Perhaps it was so painful that we blocked it out.

The truth is, unless you get incredibly lucky on a first date, trying to make first date conversation can be pretty painful. And one thing that makes it worse for guys is that, well…they're guys. When they try to cue conversation on a first date with a woman, they don't necessarily do it in ways that appeal to women.

Want to avoid that ringing silence at the dinner table on your first date with that hot waitress you've been eyeballing for weeks? Here are some tips:

Spend some time practicing. No, this doesn't mean you should practice everything you say so that it comes out stilted and robotic. It means that you should think up some interesting open-ended questions before you go out on your date. What do I mean by open-ended? Simply that the questions you ask shouldn't have yes or no answers. Come up with some interesting questions (that is, not "what do you do for a living" or "where did you grow up") ahead of time that you can plop into the conversation whenever it begins to dry up. Even better? Come up with questions that you actually want to know the answer to. Women can sense insincerity the way a dog smells out drugs.

Think of relatable stories. We humans all share something similar called the human experience. It's why we watch movies and read books and get to know people – we want to share. Use this to your advantage on a first date. If you can't think of anything to say or want to fill a silence, tell a story that your date can relate to. Tell her about a problem (just make sure it's not an overly dramatic one or one that has to do with an ex) or an event in your life, and ask her if anything similar has ever happened to her. Chances are, it has, and she'll have plenty to say about it.

Learn to softly encourage. Encouraging another to talk is something that women are generally great at, while…well, guys, most of you stink at it. But you've got to remember that, even though you're nervous about a first date, she is just as nervous as you are – or maybe more. One great way to keep conversation going is to gently encourage your date to keep talking. Want to impress a girl on a first date? Don't break out your best joke or your most impressive fishing story (in fact, never break out your fishing story at all!). Instead, show her that you're interested in her by letting her talk, and encouraging her to expand on her thoughts. If you don't try so hard to be charming, you will be.

Ah, but aren't you a hypocrite? You hate when others don't listen to you, but…do you always listen fully to others? Unless you're some kind of saint (or a mute), you probably don't. And how about the way you feel when you know that others are not listening to you? Well, your date feels that way, too. Want to avoid filling your date with the desire to concuss you with a skillet? Start by:

1. Really listening. Yep, learn to listen by…listening. Stop thinking about being a good listener or making a good impression or how much that rash on your left butt cheek itches, and just…listen. This means teaching yourself to ignore any distractions and focus fully on the person speaking. Is the couple at the table next to yours having an entertaining fight at dinner? You've got to learn to block it out, clear your mind, and really listen.

2. Looking like you're listening. Now, I'm not talking about pretending you're listening. Instead, I'm saying that appearing to listen will not only tell your date that you're connecting with what they are saying…it will also help you to actually connect. So especially if you're not naturally a good listener, sit facing your date and make eye contact. You'll probably find that, if you look like you're focused on your date, you will be.

3. Opening your mind. Sure, you might not be into art and paintings. But if it's something your date wants to talk about, the best thing you can do is open your mind and try not to dismiss it as a boring topic. Opening yourself up to new topics can do more than make you a good listener – it can also be very rewarding.

Look at it this way: sure, you're not into museums and don't get excited about paintings. But when your date is talking about why a particular painting was so emotionally moving, he or she will be telling you a lot more than the name of a favorite artist. They'll also be telling you about the way they look at the world. No matter what they're talking about, your date is often telling you something bigger the topic seems to contain. Learn to pay attention.

4. Learning not to pass judgment. We all have opinions and ideas, and we know how we feel about things. So when we hear another person talk, all of those prejudices and judgments come into play. "That idea is stupid." "Well, she's just wrong about that." "That's certainly not how I was raised!"

Part of being a good listener is training yourself not to think those things. Instead, just listen to what your date has to say, and absorb it. Let it trickle right in without passing it through the filter of your (sometimes rather vicious) judgment. This not only shows the person you're with that you can accept others' ideas, it also allows you to look beyond your prejudices and see your date for who he or she really is.

This sticky, awkward situation comes up at least once in just about every dating career…and almost always with a person who you’d really like to date.

Maybe you’ve been talking about your love of Star Wars, among other things, for weeks. You’ve developed something of a connection, maybe a loose friendship. Then one day, he or she (we’ll go with she from here on out) asks you if you want to go to the new Star Wars themed restaurant for dinner on Friday. And of course you say yes.

But…has she asked you to go as a friend? Or has she asked you out on a date? Of course, the easiest option is to simply ask. But it’s also the one you’re least likely to choose. After all, if you just come out and say “Listen, Alicia…is this a date, or what?” you know that she’ll start laughing uproariously. Then she’ll call all of her friends – possibly while you sit there listening – to tell them that “funny Star Wars Kevin” thinks she’d actually date him. Pure humiliation.

So you can’t ask, obviously (though I’d actually recommend giving it a try). But how can you classify your night out? Simply watch for these subtle “It’s a date” signs…and these not-so-subtle “We’re just friends” signs:

It’s a Date:

Sign 1: He or she has made an obvious effort to make a good impression, including shaving his face (or her legs!), wearing nice clothes, and looking well-groomed overall.

Sign 2: He or she makes an effort to please you, asking your advice about things or laughing at your stories and jokes.

Sign 3: You look at each other a lot during the evening, and make plenty of eye contact.

Sign 4: You touch each other often, and when you touch or try to show interest, it elicits a positive response.

You’re Just Friends:

Sign 1: He or she talks or texts on a cell phone throughout the evening (this also seriously rude, of course – and a good warning sign that this isn’t somebody you’d want to date, anyway).

Sign 2: Your “date” talks in a casual way about other guys or girls they’re dating or mentions specifically that he or she likes somebody else. Or, worse, has a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Sign 3. He or she is sloppy, casual, and doesn’t care too much what you think. If your date shows up slovenly, chances are, it’s not a date.

But the truth is, these sorts of relationships are sort of a fluke. Because for most women (unless they’re just looking for sex, in which case…congratulations), we require more than just a physical attraction to agree to even go out on a date. What are we looking for? Why, an emotional connection, of course. I can’t imagine you’re too surprised to hear it.

Attraction

Attraction happens pretty fast. You know how it works: you feel it after the merest glance or the smallest smile or softest brush of the arm. Contact is made in a split second, then broken shyly, then reestablished. You can’t help glancing over there, and every time you do, you meet – her eyes; she’s attracted to you, too. Then it’s up to somebody – generally you, but not always – to make the move.

And now that the easy, eyes-only part is over, things get a little more complicated. When you’re strongly attracted to somebody, it can make conversation difficult – you might stumble over your words or appear awkward. For guys especially, that first physical flash of attraction can be a little disconcerting. Which, of course, makes it more difficult to establish that all-important connection (which requires talking!).

Connection

Sorry if this sounds superior, guys, but we women have a bit more control over our physical impulses than you do. So we generally need to feel a real connection with a guy in order to agree to go out with him (unless, of course, the guy is really super hot – unfortunate but true). But establishing a connection is hard for just about everybody…especially if you’re heart is in your throat because you’re so attracted to her.

Connecting with a woman is about finding a common ground. Finding something that you both can relate to, and that actually means something to you both. Here’s an example:

You: So, what do you do?

Hot Girl: I’m an architect.

You: *laughing* I wanted to be an architect when I was a kid! Is it as interesting as it looks?

See the connection there? You connected to something she said, establishing a common ground and opening up the conversation – and you kept the conversation focused on her, which is something girls love. Nifty, right?

But if the conversation doesn’t lead you in a direction where you can establish a connection this way (and you’ve got to be fast, or she’ll lose interest), you can do it on your own by relating something you know, feel, or have, with something you can see about her. “I see you have big boobs. I’m crazy about big boobs,” won’t cut it (duh!). Instead, try to comment on something personal but not physical. “Hey, I like the David Bowie button on your purse…When I a kid, I was obsessed with Space Oddity – I even had silver pants.”

Most of all, just be interested in her. If you talk to her and (most of all) keep her talking, you’ll appeal to her in more than just a physical way – and get the stage set for asking her out…and having her say yes.

It doesn't help that her answer is, "Whatever I want!" That doesn't really answer the question, now does it? What you meant (or even wanted) to ask was, "Do you just munch on carrot sticks, or is spaghetti still okay?"

When it comes to these types of mixed relationships, picking a restaurant can be really challenging! No steaks, no barbecue pits, no hot dog stands, no burger joints. However, by taking a second look at the menu of some of your favorite restaurants, you'll be rest assured there will be plenty of options for you and your date, even if she happens to be a "Level 5 Vegan".

Italian: It is very rare to come across a person who does not like Italian food, especially pasta. Just be sure to inquire they offer marinara sauce that was not made with any chicken or beef broth, since it pretty much defeats the purpose of having a meat-free diet. If your date is vegan, also be sure to request nothing be prepared with eggs or dairy, including the bread sticks. She will be very impressed you put that extra amount of thought into it!

Mexican: Just about anything at these types of restaurants can be prepared vegetarian. However, along with the egg and dairy issue for vegans, authentic refried beans are cooked in lard. Find a spot that uses vegetable oil instead.

Chinese and Thai: Again, another great idea for accommodating a veg diet, but there is again a slight challenge. If you get it to go, make sure her meal isn't cooked with seafood or fish sauce, since neither are vegetarian.

Indian: Okay, so this definitely sounds like a safe bet, since she can easily order right off the menu. If you two are going on the cheap and hitting their buffet, remember the dairy issue for vegans and call ahead.

Sweets: Going out for dessert afterwards? If she's vegan, order an Italian ice or a dairy-free sorbet. Also, go with dark chocolate instead of milk. Also, some of those items on the menu, like chocolate dipped strawberries and many torts, are on the must have list!

One evening, a nice man I'd met at a coffee place earlier that day had invited me out to dinner. He was charming, sweet and very respectful – in an age where chivalry seems dead, he was the quintessential "knight in shining armor," so to speak.

I had high hopes for the night, but about halfway through the meal this man had to completely ruin it. Every time a blonde woman would walk by, he had to make a reference about how his ex-girlfriend dyed her hair blonde. After that, it was incessant chatter about his ex. Even when I would try to change the subject, we would invariably end up back at square one.

Even though his comments about his ex-girlfriend were nasty, he made the ultimate dating blunder – you never, I repeat NEVER talk about an ex when you're on a date. Never! Not only will this make the other person think you are still carrying a flame for your former lover, you should be concentrating on the person you asked out in the first place.

Needless to say, he didn't get a second date.

Another dating faux pas you must avoid is the first-date jitters. I'm not saying you shouldn't be nervous – that's natural, and honestly, it's expected. But if you are so self-conscious that you need to constantly ask your date if you look okay, if your breath smells minty fresh, or whether the shirt you're wearing makes you look fat… that's a problem. Obviously, you were asked out for a reason – and I doubt it's because you were the self-conscious ninny in a corner.

Act confident (even if you aren't) and you'll do just fine. And please, whatever you do, if you feel the urge to ask about meeting the parents, how many kids I want, and other way-too-personal questions for a first date do us both a favor… and get the heck out of dodge before those questions pop out of your mouth. The last thing anyone wants is a play-by-play of your future together… on a first date! If you want any hope of a future…bringing up babies and parents and other personal things is not the way to accomplish that.

First dates are complicated enough without adding these ultimate dating blunders to the list. Relax, be yourself and let the night take you where it will. But please – avoid making these dating faux pas!

Eventually, I started to realize that not only was I making myself miserable; I was leading the poor sap on! I can't tell you how many times guys have called me after a first date, only to realize after the 17th call I had no desire to go out with them again…

But, I digress.

What I'm trying to explain to you is simple: if a date isn't going the way you'd hoped, it's in your best interest to end it as quickly and painlessly as possible.

The last thing you want to do is be caught at the end of the night fending off an over-eager date's advances because he thought the two of you had a marvelous time (I speak from personal experience, TRUST me!)

It's really easy to tell when it's time to end a date – but not necessarily so easy to actually end it!

Let's say your date does something that offends you. I went out with a guy who took me to a Mexican food restaurant. The evening started out well enough, but when the waitress came by to take our order, he could not stop making comments about her breasts – I kid you not.

The poor woman couldn't stop blushing, and I was aghast at his behavior. That ended the date rather quickly, needless to say.

The bottom line is if your date offends you, there's no reason to believe he won't do it again. If you don't like his overall behavior, why suffer through a terrible date in the hope that it'll get better? It won't.

Even if your date doesn't offend you, it may just be simple compatibility issues. If you aren't feeling the chemistry, don't kid yourself into thinking it'll magically happen.

For example, I met a man at a coffee shop after work one day, and we immediately started talking. He asked me for a date, and I accepted – but I realized after the fact that I just wasn't that into him.

Sure, he was a nice enough guy – but there weren't any sparks!

When I met him for a movie later that week, I decided to give it a chance and see where the evening went. We watched the movie, and afterward he took me home.

Throughout the night I'd realized I just wasn't feeling him, and I'd been trying to think of a polite way to turn down another date invitation, if it came.

I got more than I'd anticipated, unfortunately! Not only did the guy try to grope me outside my home, but when I pushed him away and told him I wasn't into him, he had the gall to ask for another date anyway!

This proves my point that if you aren't feeling the chemistry upon initial contact, you never will! I should have turned down his invitation and saved both of us a lot of grief!

Ultimately, only you can decide when it's time to end a date – or when you should never accept an invitation to begin with!

Don't make yourself suffer through a boring, offensive, or otherwise lackluster date out of politeness or fear of hurting the other person. You may end up with a tricky situation on your hands if you do.

Whatever you do, don't settle for a guy you're just not that into… if you do, you won't recognize when something better comes along!

There is no doubt that today's woman is modernized and independent. She earns more money, makes her decisions independently, and may have mapped out the goals and plans for her life since she was a young girl. As you can imagine, the independent woman may clash with chivalrous men.

The definition of the word chivalrous comes from the medieval ages and is a word that was used to describe the acts of a knight. How many stories, movies, and fairy tales have depicted true romance as the budding love between a helpless woman in distress and her chivalrous knight in shining armor that comes to her rescue? The fact of the matter is that today’s modern woman, isn’t looking for a knight in shining armor. She is comfortable taking care of herself, and may not even believe that knights even exist. Not only does the modern woman take great issue with chivalrous men, they may find their acts of chivalry insulting.

As women become more independent, they gain more control over their own lives. To many of them, the basis of a chivalrous man is rooted in the belief that the woman is helpless and needs saving. Independent women don’t want to be saved, and they will find it rude and an insult to their character for a man to continually try to save her.

The truth of the matter is that if you are a chivalrous man, and live your life as a knight in shining armor, waiting to rescue the damsel in distress, you will be much happier finding a woman who needs rescuing. An independent woman will not appreciate these qualities and your relationship will be in trouble from the beginning.

Many acts of chivalry that can cause controversy with independent woman include men making the first move, men paying for dates, and men taking charge of the relationship and becoming the primary decision maker. The majority of independent women will not appreciate these qualities, and a man may sincerely and genuinely be chivalrous and not understand why his acts of kindness are going without reward.

If you are a chivalrous man who is dating an independent woman, there is no way around the issue; you will have to discuss it. If you’re doing things that you expect she will like and appreciate, only to find that she is angry and offended – your wall of communication will deteriorate, quickly. The best way to avoid these issues is to come right out and ask what she likes or dislikes. Don’t just assume that you will pay for every meal. Ask her how she feels about it. Find out what being courteous means to her, it may be that she likes to open doors for herself, but would rather you ask her before making decisions that affect both of you. Though it may take work, chivalrous men and independent woman can make it work, as long as they have plenty of communication.

First, the basic ingredient that every date needs is fun. The best way to ensure that you and your date have a great time is to begin by selecting activities that both of you enjoy. It may seem a bit obvious, but too many times, couples try their hand at new activities. A first date isn’t a great time to try a new activity. If the date is a failure, thanks to trying an activity that wasn’t enjoyable, you may find that your partner isn’t enthusiastic about giving things a second chance. The first date should be played safely and centered on an activity that both you and your date will enjoy.

Did you know that going out to dinner isn’t always a great choice for a date? How about movies? It’s true! Dinner can be wonderful, but on a first date, many women may feel self-conscious. Also, if you do choose to go out to dinner, you will need to choose the restaurant carefully. Make sure it is a safe choice that both you and your date will enjoy, and also choose the dining fare carefully. This means, be selective about the type of food you order. You may be Italian and love spaghetti, but do you really want your date to see you slurping noodles while you dribble sauce on your chin? I didn’t think so. Choose the food carefully, and make sure it is a restaurant that you’ll both enjoy.

Movies are often selected for a first date, but again, this may have serious drawbacks. The first drawback is the fact that when a couple watches a movie, there is no talking or communication taking place. Granted, you may go out for coffee after the movie and discuss the plot, character, or setting but the next day, you may discover you learned more about the lead character then you did your date. Because of this reason, movies are not a good choice for a first date.

On your first date, your focus should be on your partner and your partner alone. Your date should provide the perfect environment for plenty of conversation and it should be a chance to really get to know each other thoroughly. This should always take place in a fun and comfortable environment.

You should also avoid going to each other’s home on a first date, unless you have been friends for a very long time, and feel very comfortable with one another. It may feel very uncomfortable if you are at your date’s house and the date turns sour or you would like to leave. It is best to meet in a public place where you can both enjoy yourselves while participating in mutual activities. By keeping these tips, you can ensure that you will enjoy wonderfully entertaining dates.

The first dating mistake that all men should avoid is trying to have a one-night stand. If a man asks a woman out on the first date, and the only thing he has in mind is a one-night stand or how to take the woman to bed, the relationship will be off to a rocky start. First, men will find that they will be so preoccupied with trying to get his date in bed, that he’ll miss out on building a good foundation that could lead to a long lasting future relationship.

When you meet a woman and are going on your first date, you should never act too involved. This means that your first intent should not be about getting her into bed with you, and likewise you shouldn’t treat her as if you were already in a committed relationship. The best way to ensure that your relationship has a great chance of succeeding is to play it safe and let the relationship build gradually. Women do not like to feel pressured into situations, and pushy men tend to be avoided and ignored in the long run.

If you really like a woman and want to ensure that you get a second date, then the best course of action is to take things slowly, treat her with respect, and make sure that you never treat her as if she is your property. You may want her to be your girlfriend, but don’t let her know that. If she thinks that you are moving too quickly, you will scare her off. Never call more than once a day, and if you have left a message, or if she has told you she will call you back, then wait for that call. No matter how tempted you may be to give in and call, don’t do it. It is better to let several days go by without a phone call and meet in a casual or public place then to make too many phone calls. Calling a woman too much is a great way to turn her off and ensure that your second date never happens.

If you want to ensure that your relationship starts off on the right foot, then make sure that you never let the girl you are interested in know your true intentions. If you have been dreaming about marrying her for years and you are on your first date, you’ll have to find a way to cool off your emotions and not let her know. Women do not want to feel pressured into any decision and they never want to feel that they are the objects of a possessive man. Let her know that you value her friendship and would like a second date, simply because you had a great time and enjoyed her company. This way, she won’t be intimidated and will more than likely take you up on your offer.