If you have low self-esteem, dating can be more than a little trying – as can relationships. When you don't believe strongly in your own worth, it's all-too-easy to create unhealthy dynamics within your relationships. Or to be unable to start a relationship at all. Fortunately, there are ways to deal with low self esteem while dating. It's all about facing the problem head-on.

Acknowledge the problem. If you've had the type of relationship problems that seem to repeat themselves over and over, your low self esteem may be causing it. Almost like alcoholism, one of the first steps in improving low self esteem is acknowledging that you have it. Because while low self esteem is patently obvious in some people, it can be hidden in others – even from themselves. A little self evaluation can go a long way.

Learn to ignore the whisper. Those of us who suffer from low self esteem are often bombarded by whispering doubts about our worth. To date and socialize successfully with low self esteem, you need to learn to block out those whispers of doubt. In other words, when your mind tells you that everybody thinks you're behaving stupidly, or that your shouldn't air your worthless opinions, or that your date is fixating on the pores in your nose, try to push it away. Recognizing that your doubts come from your low self esteem rather than from the actual feelings of the people around you is a hugely important step in learning to feel better about who you are.

Aim high. Those who suffer from low self esteem have an overwhelming pessimism about their prospects and their abilities – at least in some specific areas. Because they believe that they aren't truly worth more, and wouldn't be able to sustain anything better, those with low self esteem tend to partner up with people who will exploit them and their weaknesses. If you have low self esteem, it's important to allow yourself to aim high – even if you doubt your abilities to reach your target. Disparaging yourself and aiming low in your relationships will only open you up to being taken advantage of. And your relationship's failure will do nothing but deepen your self-doubts. It's a vicious cycle.

Work through your problems. This may fall last on my list, but it's probably the most important part of dealing with low self esteem. Your self esteem comes from somewhere – something in your childhood, or an event that left you scarred – and uncovering what that is is key. And while introspection and self-evaluation can be very helpful in tracking down the source of your low self esteem, the best thing is to speak with a professional. A counselor can help you to understand where your self esteem issues come from – and teach you the methods you should use to defeat it

While the idea of being on your own at a party where you know very few people is scary – or, to some, horrifying – there are some things you can do to overcome your fear. With the right state of mind and some of these easy tips, you can turn awkwardness into adventure. And maybe meet somebody special while you're at it.

1. Lower your expectations. Don't put pressure on yourself to meet the man or woman of your dreams, make lifelong friends, or even impress people. If you set your expectations on "I'm just gonna have fun," chances are you will. Decide what your expectations for the night are, and don't worry about shooting any higher. "Meet one new person" is perfectly reasonable – and perfectly doable.

2. Work on your confidence. While getting ready to go to a party or event where you will know very few people, take some time to boost your confidence. No, you're not perfect. But you have worth all your own, and your own separate attributes that make you special. You're not a kid who must define him or herself by a narrow standard set by others – so don't convince yourself that you are.

3. Mingle. When you're alone at a party, it can be tempting to want to stand in the corner and avoid all those scary strangers. But if you do that, everybody at the party will, well, stay a stranger. Wander around, smile at people, and keep moving – don't hide out next to the lonely cheese tray.

4. Search for interesting people. Remember, going to a party isn't about proving to others than you're fun – it's about having fun yourself. So look for people that catch your interest, either romantically or platonically. When a conversation or a person piques your interest, try to involve yourself. Sound like too much? Then at least stand nearby and show that you're interested and approachable – a smile can work wonders.

Remember, you're at this party for you – not them. So if a person or conversation seems interesting to you, assert yourself. You won't impress anybody by standing around with butterflies in your stomach.

5. Move on. You may find somebody who seems interesting, only to enter into small talk and find it, well…excruciating. Just because you've met and know one person at the party doesn't mean you need to stick by their side. Keep mingling, pretending you're confident, and striking up conversations. If you make the effort, you may just transform yourself from wallflower to belle of the ball. Or at least have a fun few hours.

Feel like you've covered all the bases in searching for a relationship? There is one thing that you may be missing out on. Singles activities groups. Though the idea of a group of singles going en masse to dinner or a movie sounds rather cheesy (believe me, I know it makes you think of slick-haired womanizers in polyester suits and desperate, frizzy blondes in low-cut dresses), today's singles groups are actually rather cool…and can be a lot of fun.

Not convinced? Single groups have a bunch of other benefits, too, including:

1. No pressure. When you're on a date or even when you do speed dating, there's that instant pressure of one-on-one conversation. You have to make an impression with this one person, and you have to do it quickly. And even if you don't like the person you're dating, you're stuck with them for awhile. But with singles groups, you only have to talk to the people that interest you. Don't see anybody who's your type? Then just have fun and chat with the rest of the group – there's no pressure to meet somebody.

2. Shared interests. Another great thing about singles groups is that they're often geared towards a particular interest. Singles who love movies. Singles who are into salsa dancing. Singles who watch baseball. You get the idea. Picking a group of people with interests similar to yours really boosts your chances of meeting somebody that's right for you.

3. New contacts. When you've been single for awhile, it begins to feel like you've already done the rounds of all the single people connected to you in anyway. You've been introduced to the son of your Aunt Rita's neighbor. You know your friends' friends. And you spent time with their friends, too. You start to feel like you're meeting the same people over and over again. But with singles groups, you go out of your comfort zone and meet a whole new group of people – most of whom you wouldn't have met otherwise.

4. An easy approach. This one is especially great for men, who are the most called-upon to approach a woman for a date. When you go to singles groups, you know that all of the attendees are single…and looking for a relationship. This makes approaching somebody that you're interested in a little simpler. It also means that you can't lie to yourself that she rejected you because she already had a boyfriend, either, but that's a different story.

5. Make friends. Because singles groups are low-pressure, they're a great way to make friends as well as meet romantic contacts. There are going to be plenty of people there of the same sex who may be looking to ease the pressure of a "singles only" situation by making conversation. You never know who you might meet!

Avoid it. This is probably what most women (and men) do when asked “the dreaded question” – after all, you don’t want to lie, but you don’t want to hurt his feelings, either. So you just gloss over it and hope he won’t notice. “I think you’re wonderful,” is a good non-lie way to keep from admitting that, even if you think he’s wonderful, you don’t think he’s wonderful in bed.

When is it a good time to duck the question – and avoid giving a straight answer? There are a couple of situations in which this might be your best option. One is when the guy in question is somebody that you want to keep having a relationship with. If you want sex between the two of you to get better, you’ll need to talk to him about it…but not post-coitus, as that’s when emotions will be highest.

This is also a good route when the sex was so bad that it was a deal breaker – you’re not going to see him anymore. You don’t want to get into a conversation about good and bad, or stroke his ego…you just want to get out.

Fess up. Watch out…this is the dangerous one. If he asks “How was it for you?” and you answer “Why, quite terrible…thank you for asking,” you can bet that his reaction isn’t going to be pleasant to behold. Every man seems to think he’s an Adonis in the bedroom, and this kind of blow to his ego can get a little messy. So use this with caution…if at all.

The best time to just fess up is when the sex was a one-time thing. If you know you’re not going to be going back for more, but want to help him be better, telling him it was bad might be doing him a favor. It’ll hurt, but if he’s willing to listen, it can also help. Just remember to be specific. “You suck,” doesn’t do anything but injure his ego. “This or that could be better,” will help him with future encounters.

Want to continue having a relationship with this man, and want to see the sex get better right away? You might be tempted to tell him post-coitus, but…don’t. It’s best to wait until you’re both calm (and fully dressed) so you can have a composed, honest conversation – with a bit less ego involved.

Lie. This is the easy way out – stroke his ego and make things easy for yourself. After all, you don’t want to hurt his feelings. While this may seem tempting, lying isn’t a great idea in any relationship. If it’s possible to be straight with him (especially not post-coitus), you should be.

Just a note: while these tips are geared towards women (after all, it’s usually men who ask the dreaded question), but work equally well for both sexes.

Want to know how she does it? Below are three simple (if sometimes hard to pull off) tips for bringing out the dating bombshell in you.

Feel Sexy. You don’t have to be Jessica Alba to ooze sex appeal. If you walk around feeling (not acting but feeling) like you’re sexy, men will think so too. Now, I do realize that you’ve probably heard this little piece of advice 100,000 times. And that each time you heard it you thought, “Suuuure… easier said than done, girlie.” Because if you don’t feel sexy, well… you don’t feel sexy.

But you can change that. How? Simply by being sensual. Enjoy a meal with orgasmic pleasure without agonizing about calories. Learn to delight in the feel of yourself – your smooth skin on a cool tabletop or the breeze drying the fine sheen of sweat on your bare shoulders. When you’re feeling sensual, men can sense it – and it’s very sexy.

Most importantly, know that you’re super-sexy, super-amazing, and worth his admiration. When you forget and start to feel self-conscious, brush the thought away like a too-persistent mosquito. You’re too busy being confident and sexy to feel self-conscious.

Make Him Feel Good. I know that stroking a man’s ego and letting him take charge might be against your feminist beliefs – and injuring to your pride. But if you can set that aside long enough to make the men you date feel like big, important men, they’ll love you for it. Ask him for help with the wine list, then compliment his tastes. Praise him profusely when he does something thoughtful. Stroke his ego all you can and he’ll definitely respond.

Find the idea repulsive? Just think of it this way… making a man feel good is just another way to put yourself in control. That he thinks he has control doesn’t matter – you, after all, know the truth. (Sorry, guys!)

Have Fun and Be Fun. When a dating bombshell meets a man for the first time, she just…has fun with him. So don’t take flirting seriously, and never, ever take a date too seriously. A lot of men are easily scared off by a too-intense woman. Especially when she’s intense about them. Instead, relax and have fun. Don’t let yourself agonize about what he thinks of you, or if he’s the right guy. It you allow yourself to simply have fun with men, it won’t matter if he’s the right guy – because you’ll have plenty to choose from.

Take it from a girl who knows…when you’re nervous about re-entering the dating scene, it’s easy to forget what it’s all about. Here’s a hint: dating isn’t about losing ten pounds because you’re too nervous to eat. It’s about having fun! Sound like an unfamiliar concept? Then you need to re-learn how to flirt and have fun with dating.

Feed Your Inner Flirt

Flirting is supposed to be about fun, about connecting with another person. It doesn’t matter what the next step is, or if you’re doing it right – as long as the feeling is fun and sincere, your flirting will be effective. Just be charming for the fun of it – and let yourself be charmed in return.

In a way, flirtatiousness is a state of mind. It can be silly and playful – even ridiculous. But it can never be serious. The moment you take flirting too seriously, it evaporates into something a lot less attractive. It’s all-too-easy for newly-single women to forget to have fun when meeting men – but that’s one of the first things you want to re-learn when you begin dating after a breakup.

Make Yourself Vulnerable

Don’t worry…this isn’t as bad as it sounds. In this case, vulnerable simply means approachable – as in not being surrounded by a pack of girlfriends whenever you go out. Sure, having them with you is fun (and more than a little comforting), but if you’re always part of a pack, men will rarely come talk to you. The confident-but-polite ones won’t want to interrupt, and the shy ones won’t want to risk rejection in front of a group. Still want to go out with your friends? Separate from them occasionally and walk the room, giving that tall, sexy guy who’s been eyeballing you a chance to approach.

Use Your Most Alluring Feature: Your Eyes

If your flirting gears have gone a little rusty from relationship-based disuse, you may have a hard time talking to guys. But that boring old adage about body language and eye contact being the universal language is actually true. You can flirt while having a perfectly ordinary conversation – or no conversation at all.

Simply use eye contact. To flirt with that gorgeous guy across the room, catch his eye, hold it a moment and smile, then glance away. Don’t hold it too long – just long enough for you both to realize there’s a connection. If you’re feeling particularly confident, walk past the guy to check him out a little closer. Glance at and smile at him again, and after you pass, look at him and smile over your shoulder, then move on. Works every time.

Maintain a Balance

Even if you’re ecstatic about being free from a guy and on the prowl, don’t rush in full-time. Be sure to balance your time between dating and spending time with close, trustworthy friends – or just on your own. If you’re out there too much, you’ll get jaded before you can say “men stink”.

I know how dangerous serial dating can be, because I used to be one. After a boyfriend ended our relationship of four years, I was completely devastated. At first, I turned to binge-eating, sob fests, and writing tragic “poetry” in my journal in order to try and cope with the pain I was feeling. When I realized that it wasn’t working, I turned to serial dating to try and deal with my rejection. I dated man after man after man, never pausing to face the perilous slope I was heading down. I didn’t realize it then, but I was simply using each new man in my life to fill the void my long-term partner had left in my heart when he broke up with me.

To be honest with you, each man I dated never really seemed different to me – in fact, they all seemed like the same man (or so I tricked myself into believing, in order to have a semblance of what I wanted; a long-term partnership.) In truth, I wanted someone to love me, but in reality I was simply setting myself up for more heartache and pain when my short-lived flings didn’t work out. While I was never physically abused by any of these men I was dating, I had absolutely no regard for my self-esteem. In fact, I HAD no self-esteem – I’m lucky I was never seriously hurt by any of these men I’d run to, because the type of behavior I was engaging in could easily have turned into a different type of tragedy.

There are many men who prey on serial daters like I used to be. These men recognize the signs of a woman desperate to be loved, and pounce. Suddenly, you become an easy target for these men. While I was lucky enough to not get seriously hurt by my serial dating, I realize now how my destructive behavior could have quickly turned tragic.

While some people who don’t understand the danger behind serial dating might scoff at me, I can assure you – the dangers are real. Not only did I lose all semblance of self-esteem, but I started to feel trapped – as if there was no way out of this pattern I had made for myself. Finally, after I began to discover that I wasn’t going to find what I was looking for in a relationship by having various flings every week, I sought the advice of a professional.

Many women who get to this point find themselves in a similar bind. Had I not spoken with a professional and gotten help, I shudder to think where I would be now. Ultimately, serial dating isn’t worth it. Not only will it lead to more heartache and pain, you could be setting yourself up for real danger. It’s better to cope with the termination of a long-term relationship not by running from man to man, but by learning to cope with the rejection and realizing that you will find someone out there who loves you for who you are.

My mother was a very independent woman. She had a career and a life outside of the home with her own hobbies that did not include me or my father, and my father also had his own identity outside the home, but that did not mean they didn't make time to do things together.

We seem to put our lives on hold based on being in a relationship. There are people who refuse to do simple things like taking themselves to dinner, to a movie or even things like going on vacations alone. I've even heard a few women comment that they want a house or new car or even a piece of jewelry, but would rather wait for that 'special someone' to buy it for them. But the comment that concerns me the most is… 'I won't be happy until I meet that special person or marry someone.'

What happened to some of us where we define ourselves by what others can do for us or only do the minimal with our lives in hopes that the person who we meet will help us to become complete?

When we go into a relationship as a dependent person or even expecting that person to make us happy, we are not only putting strain on that relationship, but on the other person which is unfair. If those are your expectations, then you're in for a world of hurt. No one wants the strain of having to constantly make that person happy. Creating our own happiness and having our own destiny outside of any relationship is important to our wellbeing and the person we are with.

Additionally, there are so many men and women out there who are enjoying themselves, have amazing careers and are creating a wonderful life with the hopes that they can meet someone who is doing the same. So think about it… which would you rather have—a person who depends on you to make them happy and for you to map out their lives, or someone who is already living theirs and hoping someone else is ready for the ride?

Cool Mom is a lighthearted look at how women who have become mothers now view the world around them. The site features short daily videos and a frequently updated blog by TV host, standup comic, and mom-to-a-toddler Daphne Brogdon.

Cool Mom is an unfiltered, unvarnished, unabashed conversation,a place where moms can share a laugh over situations and stories that they can relate to, as well as seek advice and make new friends.

Our Host: Daphne Brogdon

Daphne Brogdon is excited about starting conversations by saying out loud what she's thinking. Daphne has appeared on numerous television series, showcasing her range of talent which includes improv, celebrity interviews, and relationship advice from a woman's perspective. She is mom to two-year-old Vivien, and stepmom to her chef-husband Mark Peel's three kids. Get in touch or follow Daphne on Twitter.

Despite the unsettling facts discussed in series debut of the impossible environment the bar creates for romance, it is not to say that we don’t have much more promising locales. In fact, instead of the tired query of “Where else I can go to meet someone?” I challenge you to consider “What else you can do to meet someone in or out of a bar?”

Museums, parks, restaurants, ball games, classes, dating websites etc. are all great places to meet a special somebody. It’s just our tactic in going about it which determines our success. The ease of being in a place that is built to have people mingle, imbibe courage-inducing liquids and having a group of singles that expect us to flirt has rendered the single species useless in any other situation.

We must first extract the elements that we use in a bar and modify how we use them in other situations, such as the bookstore, for example. Instead of asking, “Come here often?” “What are you drinking?” or “Is this stool taken?” Try engaging in a conversation with, “Do you suggest any good books?” “What are you reading?” or “That’s a great book…” We all know that the first line essentially is a pick-up line utilizing the method of finding a commonality based on the environment we are both in. The point is to get them to notice that you noticed them.

Once the connection has been made, maintain a light conversation in which you may present yourself in. As both of you are in a bookstore, talk about the books you like, the authors, the weird guy at the counter who smells like peanuts, or about a concert this weekend in tribute to the “Biography of Kurt Cobain” book the love interest is holding. Add your humor, your daring side and your intelligent self while conversing. There is no denying that this may be much more pleasant and easier when the person you’re talking to doesn’t seem to be spinning and the words don’t seem to slur out of your mouth.

Lastly, end the conversation with something to look forward to. Rather than committing to another intoxication fest, invite the love interest to a cup of coffee at a great rare book shop café, to the amazing trail that is highlighted in the wilderness book you both seem to have or the new movie that came out that was based on the best selling novel they were eyeing.

Meeting a great person was never meant to be easy. In fact, that is what makes the search for romance so fun and exciting. However, there is much to be said for how we actually go about meeting someone, and more specifically where we go about meeting someone. Yes, the bar is fun and occasionally we can get lucky, but let’s try not to just put all our eggs in one basket. Consider the possibilities of, anywhere really. Employ the same tactics you use in a bar in other situations, just make sure you’re sober when you do it. Free yourself from the addiction of the small glimmer of hope of meeting a special somebody at the bar, but don’t be discouraged. We all go to the bar for the same reasons as some people buy lottery tickets, there is always a chance that we will win. However, if it really is a statistical method, well, lets just say you can find me at the 7-11 on Friday nights next to the cute fella looking for a coin for his Lotto Scratcher.

Courtesy: jeani