The Pros of Dating a Co-Worker

The best thing about dating somebody you work with is that you already know them – but you haven't developed a "we're just friends" dynamic. When you work with somebody, you know a lot more about him or her than if you were to meet him a few times in a bar. And you're comfortable enough to talk to each other without the pressure of "this is supposed to lead to romance."

Plus, the ways in which you know your co-workers are more valuable than a quick chat over drinks would be…because you've seen how this person behaves in a wide variety of situations. You've seen how he or she treats the lowliest intern. How he or she reacts to stress. Basically, you know what kind of a person he or she is, because your relationship has probably never included any of the "I'm on my best behavior" masks and deceptions that most of us use when starting a romantic relationship.

Another great thing about dating a co-worker is proximity – it's fun to be so close. There's little more exciting than a three-minute make out session in the copy room…as long as you don't get caught. Plus, seeing each other daily takes a lot of the pressure off of the beginning of a relationship. Things are allowed to build naturally instead of through the "is he going to call or isn't he" hell you're so used to.

The Cons of Dating a Co-Worker

I'll start off with the most obvious one: at many companies, it's against the rules. And while dating somebody when it's not allowed can be very exciting, it can play havoc on your career and is best avoided. And even if it's not against the rules, dating somebody at work is bound to create a bit of drama. We all know how popular spreading office gossip is, so you need to be prepared to be the brunt of a few jokes or nasty rumors.

Another thing to consider when you want to date somebody at work is whether or not they have the same feelings you do. This is especially important for men. If you're interested in a woman you work with, you need to be absolutely sure than any comments you make or flirting you do won't be taken the wrong way. Sexual harassment is a big deal, and you want to be sure you aren't doing it inadvertently.

Last but of course not least is the "break up" factor. If you start a relationship with a co-worker and things go wrong, the atmosphere is going to be more than a little tense at the office. Especially if the relationship went horribly wrong or there was a messy break up, going back to work can be awkward, difficult, or (for some people) even impossible. So if you're more dedicated to your company and your career than to the idea of having a romantic relationship, it might be best to look elsewhere for love.

The commitment to performing a job "well done" can quickly lead to striving, over accomplishing, and a fierce competitive spirit that quickly overshadow everything else in life. The product is a workaholic that finds very little time for outside activities. When someone becomes completely absorbed with work, his or her home life is the first to suffer. Putting in extra hours, losing sleep, and canceling personal commitments are the sting of the workaholic bug. Unfortunately, this can lead to many difficulties when someone begins dating.

If you’ve found yourself too busy to even think about a social life, you aren’t alone. In fact, some of the world’s most financially successful people are in the same situation. It takes time to have a relationship and make sure that it works well. Balancing the juggling act of work, love, and personal time is a gravity-defying stunt, yet once you get your footing; you’ll discover that you can manage it with flying colors. Here are some tips that will help you break free from the office long enough to enjoy relationships again.

The first rule is very simple. You just have to force yourself to make time for dating. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Put your foot down and insist that when you make a date, you will keep the date. Schedule yourself a night on the town and turn the cell phone off. You must make a firm commitment not to be interrupted with work or other distractions and focus your attention on your date. Both you and your date deserve to spend the time together uninterrupted and without the added burdens of the workplace. Do whatever you need to and make sure that you spend that time with your date and without the distractions of work.

The key to making sure that your relationships work is in setting your priorities straight. You must assess your life and make time for the most important priorities. It may come as a surprise, but other people should be on the top of your priority list. Making time for family and friends is not only a way to spend leisurely time, but it will help reduce the stress in your life and keep you healthy. No man or woman is an island and people need to spend quality time relaxing and enjoying other people’s company. Make a resolution to take time away from the office and enjoy the company of those who value you and want to spend time with you.

Sexual Harassment is defined as any inappropriate comments, touching, or displaying of materials that are sexual in nature. In some instances, if a man is attracted to a woman (or vice versa) and they share an office space, things may quickly blur the lines between an innocent crush or attraction and sexual harassment. Some offices have instituted a "zero tolerance" policy and forbid any type of office romance to begin with. This means that you will have to deal with your attraction on your own, or find another job.

Some companies request that if there is a workplace romance taking place that it is reported to the management. This way they are aware of the relationship and can take appropriate action as necessary to ensure that the company is protected, should things go astray. One thing is for certain however; office romance can lead to many complications.

You may want to consider what the repercussions of an office romance will be. When a couple breaks up or has an argument then continues to see each other in the workplace, things can quickly become tense. Office managers and supervisors understand this and would prefer to avoid these situations altogether. Trying to keep personal and professional lives separate is challenging for everyone. An office romance turned sour can definitely have a negative impact on work performance in general.

In many cases, simple flirting is also discouraged and may be looked at as a subtle form of sexual harassment. Again, this can cause the lines between attraction and the law to blur. Many companies prefer that their workplaces discourage all forms of flirting. Of course, this can be extremely difficult when men and women are working together.

There is a fine line between sexual harassment and being unprofessional. Many situations that occur in the workplace may be deemed unprofessional, but are not necessarily sexual harassment and could be punished by law. If you are attracted to someone in the workplace and are considering asking him or her out on a date, then you need to proceed with caution. Begin by finding out what your HR department's standards are for office romance. Make sure that your interested party truly is receptive of these feelings before initiating any personal contact. If you do have the "go ahead" to pursue a relationship, or if you are going to ask him or her out and they turn you down, sincerely apologize for your mistake and drop it. If you continue to pursue him or her, you are crossing those boundaries and could be headed for legal trouble down the road. As in any situation in life, treat others with respect, dignity, and be courteous at all times…especially if you're considering an office romance.

So what action do you take when you realize that you are attracted to somebody at work? Do you start dating that person? Or do you stay clear of such relationships? First things first – we all know that dating a coworker can turn into a sticky situation. In many companies, it is considered taboo. Although I don’t want to turn this into meaningless, technical advice, you do have to take company dating policies into consideration. Most companies won’t have any written policies against dating another colleague, but that doesn’t necessarily signify the green light.

You should always take precaution and understand the possible ramifications. For example, a big No No would be to date a subordinate. If you start seeing somebody that directly reports to you, conflict of interest will inevitably arise. Other workers might accuse you of giving your romantic partner more leeway or promotional advantages, regardless of whether you actually are.

If it just so happens that there is no company policy against dating another employee and that your significant other does not report to you, then by all means, go ahead. Do what you like, but be sure to maintain professionalism. Keep your romantic relationship and work relationship separate. Never get these two things mixed up because it will cause a great deal of negative speculation and possible negative work performance. For those reasons, you should always keep your love life private. This is especially true if you work in a small office space with a few coworkers (where everybody knows your business and where rumors get quickly circulated).

Keeping your love life private also entails leaving the PDA (Public Display of Affection) at home. You never want to get caught in that awkward situation of being seen by other coworkers, or even possibly by a supervisor. It will send the wrong message and make you look truly unprofessional. Separating your love and business life means just that. No if, and, or buts about it. Even if it’s a little innocent electronic love letter that you want to send, don’t do it. Company email is strictly for business purposes. The underlying rule is that company time means company business. If you can’t follow this straightforward direction, then maybe it’s not a good idea to date work partners.

In short, if you do decide to date a colleague (with the understanding that you are not violating any company policies), make sure you know what you’re getting into. Take the time to rule out any possible negative ramifications that could affect your work performance. More importantly, take the time to discuss these issues with your dating partner. If such a relationship is to be successful, you both need to establish an understanding of the two separate relationships formed: business relationship and romantic relationship. It’s not enough though to just understand this, you and your partner must practice it as well.

Courtesy: Elizabeth Nobukuni