Fighting fair basically means that when you have an argument or disagreement, that you won't resort to attacking your partner's character or personality during the argument. It is very important not to attack your partner personally throughout an argument; however, this is often the first thing that occurs. When partners call each other names, insult one another's character, or fight dirty they may cause serious damage to their relationship. Often, the fight will end, yet the words will linger in the back of their partner's mind. It can be very difficult to recover from negative words spoken during an argument.

The key to fighting fair is to determine what the exact source of the argument is. You may be surprised to discover that many people fight and by the time they are heavily engaged in battle, they don't even remember what the original disagreement was about. Situations can escalate quickly causing irreparable damage to a relationship in a very short time. If you can't fight fair, then you need to take a break. It takes a lot of self-control to step away from an argument that is turning sour. However, in successful relationships, self-control is key in fighting fair.

Also, when arguing, make sure that you don't blame the other person. If you continually start expressing your feelings by stating, "You did this" or "You never do that" you will instantly put your partner on defense mode. It is better to say, "I feel this way because" or "I feel like we never". Using phrases like these can keep the augment neutral and help prevent things from escalating out of control.

Another key element in fighting fair is to stop and listen to what your partner is saying. Sometimes, we can get so caught up in our own opinions and side of the disagreement, that we fail to listen to what our partner is actually saying. You should always make an effort to truly listen to what your partner is saying instead of focusing on defending your point of view.

When arguing, try to stay on topic. It can be tempting to bring up past issues to try to prove your point, however, this is never a part of finding a viable solution to the problem. Instead of jumping all over the place when arguing, stay on the topic at hand. Many people stray so far from the topic, that by the time the fight is over, they can't even remember what started the argument in the first place.

If you and your partner continually fight, and can't use tools to fight fair, then you should seek counseling. Fighting in a relationship is inevitable, but you must use tools to ensure that you fight fair. However, if the fighting gets worse, turns violent, or if your partner continuously degrades your character, it may be time to end the relationship.

There are many ways to tell your significant other that you are sorry. To begin with, you can learn to verbally express your regret by speaking to your partner and letting them know that you genuinely feel sorry for your behavior, actions, or words. It is important that you let your partner know that you are truly sorry for your behavior. Many times, someone may simply say they are sorry to try to keep the peace and end an argument. However, they are not generally feeling repentance for their behavior.

The first key element to saying you are sorry is to genuinely feel sorrow for your behavior and have a sincere desire to change. Second, it is very important to state that you are taking responsibility for your actions and not trying to justify your behavior or make excuses for it. If you don’t take responsibility for your actions then your apology will have little value. After you have apologized sincerely and genuinely, let your partner know that you will make a determined effort to change the behavior. This will let your partner know that you truly do mean what you say and will give them an action that they can look forward to seeing. There are many different ways to say that you are sorry, as well as some creative methods that you can use. Here are some expressions that you can say to express your sincere remorsefulness for your behavior, actions, or words:

It is also very effective to give a gift with an apology. Here are a few ideas to get you going:

Just remember that whichever method you choose to say I’m sorry, the most important step is to sincerely mean it from your heart.

When fighting or engaged in an argument, there are some basic ground rules that will keep you fighting fair and help you move past your issues while maintaining your love and respect for each other. Arguments can be a healthy and normal part of a relationship. They are necessary for instilling change and helping a couple to gather their strengths and become a united front.

Yet, if the skills needed to argue respectfully are lacking, either member may experience anger, rage, hostility, or lack of self-control and create damage to the relationship that is never resolved. Here are some basic skills that can ensure your relationship survives the tough times as you learn to fight fair.

1. Be respectful.

First, you should avoid pitfalls such as character assassination or name-calling. When fighting, don’t resort to childish or immature games. Your objective should be to present your point or case in a respectful manner, not to win at all costs. One way to show your partner that you are not attacking him or her is to express your feelings by using "we" or "us" instead of "you" or "your". By phrasing your statements this way, you avoid putting the blame or focus on your partner.

2. Don’t bring up the past.

When you are engaged in an argument and are fighting fair, it is important to remain focused on the task at hand. Don’t confuse matters by brining up past incidents in an effort to win your point. Stay focused on the topic of discussion and bring up your points of view in a respectful manner. This way you are sure to stay clear from negatives such as blaming, accusing, or character assassination.

3. Stay focused on one thing at a time.

It is very tempting in an argument to lose your focus and begin blaming the other person for a number of other transgressions. Stay focused on the topic of discussion and avoid brining up other areas of debate. The object of fighting fair is to bring resolution, not to destroy your relationship.

4. Don’t forget to listen.

Often, during an argument, we are so consumed with trying to make our point that we fail to recognize when we have succeeded. Listen for clues that your partner has heard your point, and possibly have admitted their share in the conflict. Sometimes, we continue to argue that we miss an apology. Stop, give your partner a chance to respond, and listen to what they are saying.

5. Don’t assume you know what your partner is thinking or feeling.

This is a very common mistake that occurs during arguments. It is imperative to remember that people are creatures of change and your partner is no exception. Just because your partner felt one way several months ago, doesn’t mean he or she still feels the same way today. Never assume that you know exactly where your partner is coming from or what he or she is thinking or feeling. Always ask them to explain their point of view and give them the courtesy and respect to express themselves.