First, it is important to have similar interests in sexual appetite. If one partner has a very strong sex drive, and the other doesn’t there can be serious problems in the future. Though it might be uncomfortable to talk about, it is a good idea to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to the area of sex. When both partners have the same expectations in the area of sex, they have overcome a number of future problems that could cause great strain on the relationship.

Another area where a couple should look for signs of compatibility is in the amount of energy spent on daily activities. If one partner is a couch potato while the other enjoys mountain climbing, there is good indication that the relationship is headed for serious difficulties. Being a couch potato isn’t bad in itself, and if you are the type that prefers staying inside watching movies, that doesn’t mean you are doomed to be alone. However, it does mean that if you find a partner with the same energy level that you have, you’ll have a better shot at a long lasting relationship, then trying to pursue a relationship with Mr. or Mrs. Olympian. It’s never a good idea to try to fake your energy level for a relationship either. There is scientific evidence that certain people have brains that are wired for daredevil, thrill seeking experiences and others are content keeping both feet on the ground. Pretending to be more sports oriented or athletic than you are will not only work, but also it will wear you out. Be honest about your personal energy level and find a partner who you are compatible with in this area.

If you and your partner are both equally flexible, and find it easy to apologize to one another, there is a great chance your relationship will thrive. If one partner is inflexible, never gives in, or never says that he or she is sorry for their behavior, there is a great imbalance in the relationship. A truly compatible relationship is one where both partners can easily admit their wrongdoings, own up to their share of the responsibility for mistakes, and work together to move forward. If one partner is always apologizing for things the other person says or does, there is a great lack of compatibility.

Finally, you and your partner should be compatible in your outlook towards the future. You should have similar goals and dreams and have similar styles in achieving them. This doesn’t mean that you need to have similar careers or education, but it does mean that you and your partner should have similar styles for reaching your goals. Discussing your plans for the future with your partner is the best way to determine if you are compatible and share the same vision for the future. If you and your partner are compatible in these four critical areas, there is an excellent chance that your relationship will endure.

One of the greatest mistakes that a woman can make in her relationship is withholding sex as a form of control. When women expect their partners to be faithful to them, they must understand that they are the ones who their partner is going to find sexual fulfillment with. By withholding sex, you are not engaging in warfare and winning a battle, you are actually creating a scenario where your partner will begin to resent you and begin looking for a new, better relationship. Withholding sex to gain an advantage in a relationship never works, and the results are always the same; it will ultimately destroy the relationship.

What is important to understand is that if a woman is emotionally upset or angry, she will not be in the mood for sex. Where many men will want to ultimately resolve a conflict through sex, a woman would rather resolve the argument through talking and cuddling. However, once she has received ample communication and feels secure in the relationship again, she will be ready for sex. The key is to recognize that when problems arise, they must be solved in a manner that doesn’t involve sex. Men shouldn’t expect to resolve the issue through sex and women should refrain from the attitude that she won’t give any sex because of the conflict. The focus should be on communication and resolving the problem in a mature manner. Once the couple begins to discuss the underlying issues and work at a solution, they can then pick up with their intimacy. Sex then becomes a true act of deeper intimacy and not a weapon or a temporary cure to cover the problem.

I’m sure you’ve heard of make up sex, and make up sex is a great thing. However, it must be used correctly. Make up sex should never take the place of openly talking about, and solving conflicts and problems. It should arise after the problem has been resolved and the couple is feeling genuine feelings of love and intimacy for one another. If a woman feels that she is being pressured into sex while her emotional needs aren’t being met, she will feel as if sex is being used as a weapon against her. Likewise, when women feel angry or emotionally dissatisfied they will shut their partner’s off and withhold sex from them. Communication, love, and respect are key to preventing sex from becoming a weapon in any relationship.

First, you should realize that just because your man has a strong sexual appetite doesn’t mean that he isn’t committed to you or respecting you as a woman. Men with healthy testosterone levels have high sex drives. But if you find that all your man ever wants to do is have sex, and then leave, you might have serious grounds for concern. You might want to pay attention to what he talks about when he’s with you and whether or not the conversation involves any non sexual topics. If he seems to lose interest in any subject but sex, then you should be concerned.

Another area to look at is how he acts with you around his friends, provided that he’s introduced you to them. If you haven’t met his friends, and your time together consists of always being in the bedroom, then you should seriously consider the fact that he is not looking for a serious relationship but a sex partner. When a man is interested in a woman on a deeply committed level, he will have no problem introducing her to his friends and family members. If you have met his friends and family and are still not convinced that he respects you as an individual and sees you as more than a sex partner, then take a good look at the way he interacts with you around his friends.

If he always makes sexual advances towards you in front of his friends, and never treats you with respect, then you should definitely consider the fact that he is only with you for sex. Also, ask yourself how often he tells you he loves you as well as the situation you are in when he tells you. If he only says he loves you before, during, or immediately after sex, there’s a problem. If he tries to convince you that you would have sex with him to prove that you love him, there’s a problem.

Real relationships are based on much more than sexual attraction. You should be able to recount numerous times that you and your man have spent enjoying cultural events, movies, and dates that didn’t wind up with the two of you in bed. True love is based on trust, integrity, and respect. Though many men are only after one thing, there are plenty of men who are looking for genuine, sincere relationships based upon trust and commitment. If you suspect that you are in a relationship that is based purely on sex and are unhappy, get out of it. Without respect, you’ll never find true happiness in any relationship.

But not always. Because it's all too easy to cross that thin, invisible line between simply flirting…and cheating on your partner. And it can be difficult to know when you've crossed it.

What Your Partner Considers Cheating

This may be an uncomfortable prospect, but it might be a good idea to sit down and talk to your partner about what he or she considers cheating – because his or her definition may be different from yours.

Here's an example. While she was in college, a girlfriend of mine was in a serious relationship with a guy she'd been dating for about two years. One night at a party, she had a little too much to drink, and – young and curious – got a little physical with another girl at the party. Because it didn't mean anything, and because it was "just a girl," my friend assumed that her boyfriend wouldn't see it as cheating.

But he did. Their relationship ended for a whole host of reasons…but my friend's lighthearted evening with another girl certainly contributed. She underestimated the boundaries he set between faithfulness and cheating.

To some people, "cheating" is simply defined as sexual intercourse with a person of the opposite sex. To others, a look or a touch can be considered cheating. It's a good idea to know where both you and your partner stand.

Betraying Your Partner's Trust

When you're in a relationship, you sign up to be faithful to your partner. And while faithfulness is something that should happen on both your partner's terms and your own, the idea of commitment implies that you won't cross the boundary lines set by your partner. That is, assuming those lines are not unreasonable.

If you were to act according to your partner's standards, knowing when you're simply flirting or outright cheating should be easy – the lines have been drawn and you know where they lie. But there are always some gray areas…relations that seem harmless, but can easily toe the line into cheating. So for a guideline, flirting is generally toeing the line into cheating (or outright stepping over it) when:

• You become emotionally attached to the object of your flirtation to the point where you prefer their company to your partner's

• You go out with the intention of finding somebody to flirt – or cheat – with. Whether you find them or not.

• When you advertise yourself as available when you're not because you're interested in somebody.

• You let physical contact become overtly sexual.

• You fall in love with somebody else.

Again, though, it all depends on the lines drawn in the sand by yourself and your partner. In some relationships, all of the above behaviors would be acceptable, as long as they don't lead to sexual intercourse. In others, any one of them could be enough to destroy the relationship.

So flirt, be sexy, and have fun…but tread lightly.

When you're dedicated to exploring and writing about relationships, you come across descriptions of and stories about all sorts of polyamorous relationships. And I have to admit that I am more than a little bit curious about how "the other side," lives. A big part of me finds the sort of lifestyle I see depicted in a movie like Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" or a TV show like "Big Love" appealing – and I see why it happens so often. The other side of me, however, is disturbed by the very idea.

The more exposed I am to polyamorous lifestyles, the more interested I am in answering the question: Can many people really strike a balance between variety and healthy commitment?

When I see a show like "Big Love," there is a lot for me to find appealing. The three wives share almost every element of their lives; they seem even closer than sisters. They share responsibilities and childrearing with each other the same way that they share their husband. In a way, what the wives have together is a beautiful thing.

Unfortunately, I don't have the same sense of admiration for the "husband" figure in this particular equation. In a polygamous family, it seems that the husband is generally the all-ruling patriarch. Though the women often get a say, that say goes only surface-deep. The unwavering head of the household, husband does what he likes – just watching the fictional version on TV makes all of my deep-seeded feminine ideals cry out in rebellion. And though it's cloaked in religion and duty, I think a polygamous lifestyle like that shown in "Big Love" is really only about sex and control – for the man. It's nothing I'd like to be a part of.

There are relationships, however, where men and women share freely together. It's the type of thing you heard about – or, if you're older than me, experienced – happening in hippy communes in the 60's. Or the kind of "weekend sex parties" you read about in magazines. With this lifestyle, you can have a committed romantic relationship, but sex is shared freely and you're free to have it with whomever you like. And while most of the people I know are in committed relationships (and therefore wouldn't admit it), I'm betting most of them find this sort of lifestyle intriguing – if not outright appealing. Just as I do.

For me, the conceptual problem with this kind of relationship lies with striking a balance. It is possible for most people to behave this way and still maintain their relationships as they used to? In theory, it sounds great for people to engage freely in sex – as long as they have their partner's permission. But another part of me wonders what this does to relationships – and what it does to sex. Can a polyamorous relationship be truly committed and healthy? Or does sex with multiple partners ruin it?

This is a conundrum for me…and I'd love to hear your comments about it.

However, if a personal hygiene issue is stinking up your relationship, you're going to have to get over your embarrassment and talk to your partner. Because (to use a bad pun) being with somebody stinky is just not a wash.

1. Try hints. No matter the problem, whether it be smelly armpits, flakey dandruff, or not-so-great cleaning habits in their, um, nether regions, the first thing couples rely on is hints. These range from not-so-subtle jibes, such as leaving your partner's toothbrush out before a date, to subtler encouragements, such as commenting that your partner tastes good just after having brushed his or her teeth. Little hints tend to work better for partners that live together, as you can do little things like switch your partner's shampoo to an anti-dandruff version.

2. Gently question and suggest. If somebody you're dating doesn't get the hint, it's time to move on to gentle, sweet suggestion. Sometimes, people have poor personal hygiene habits simply because they've never learned any better – or don't know they have a problem. In these cases, gentle suggestion may open their eyes to the idea that not everybody goes about personal hygiene the way that they do. "Why don't you try a dandruff shampoo? They work really well," can be really effective.

3. Straight-out say so. For some people, hints and suggestions work about as well as projecting your desires onto them psychically. For these people, you need to come right out and say what's bothering you. "I'm sorry, but your breath isn't very nice," is a huge wake up call for most. And you generally don't need to say much more.

4. Give an ultimatum. But for some, saying there's a problem simply isn't enough. This generally happens only in longer-term relationships, when a couple has become comfortable enough together not to worry about, say, going "number two" at their boyfriend or girlfriend's apartment. They simply don't have the motivation to change. And that's what you need to provide them with.

If, say, your girlfriend doesn't brush her teeth as much as she should, tell her you won't kiss her unless until she goes to brush them. Or if your boyfriend doesn't keep everything below his belt as clean as he should, tell you you'll avoid going down there, too – at least until he cleans up his act.

5. Come to terms. Now it's time to let out a big sigh. Because unfortunately, some people are fixed in their bad habits. And when that happens, you have a big decision to make: is this problem a deal-breaker, or can you live with it? If your answer is the latter, you need to learn to come to terms with what you don't like about your partner's hygiene, and you need to do it soon. Because harping away at something that you don't like – but that's not going to change – doesn't do anybody any favors. It simply makes you both unhappy.

Warning Signs of Chronic Depression

There are several different kinds of depression out there. There is situational depression, which is temporary. There's major depression, which is a dramatic depressive episode. And there is chronic depression, when a person has an inability to truly take joy from day to day life. And while a major warning sign of chronic depression is, of course, evidence of that inability to experience joy, there are plenty of smaller warning signs, as well. These include:

Your partner focuses on distractions. People with chronic depression tend to search for escape. Some avoidance mechanisms might be television, the Internet, video games, even food.

Your partner develops addictions. Another common symptom of chronic depression is an addictive personality. Watch for overuse of alcohol, drugs, food, work, etc., as these can all function as avoidance mechanisms.

When You Think Your Partner's Depressed

While dating somebody with chronic depression can be difficult, there are things you can do to ease the load, both on yourself and on your boyfriend or girlfriend (or spouse). Following some of the steps below may help you to inject some joy back into your relationship.

1. Talk to a doctor or counselor. Perhaps what you see as depression is simply your contrasting personalities. Suggest that your partner seek a professional opinion about his or her state of mind.

2. Exercise together. Exercise is a mood regulator. If you find that your partner often feels depressed or down, make more time to exercise together. Exercising releases endorphins and elevates one's mood. It's also a good way to spend quality time together reinforcing your relationship. Hey, and it's healthy for you to.

3. Go out together. If your partner tends to shut him or herself up at home, one of the best things you can do is go out together. Isolation only exacerbates the problem, while being with others pulls your partner out of his or her shell and releases mood-elevating endorphins.

4. Create anticipation. One thing you can do to make your depressed partner's life more joyful is to make it more exciting. Plan events that your partner will enjoy, and create as much positive anticipation for those events as you can. If you always give your partner something to look forward to, depression may have a harder time taking hold. Also, encourage your partner to feel anticipation actively – changing his or her thinking can be a big first step in overcoming depression.

5. Consider medication. While the thought of going on anti-depressants may make your partner a little nervous, you may want to encourage him or her to consider it. The effectiveness of anti-depressant medications varies from patient to patient, but many depressives see dramatic results in their mood and overall happiness.

Most of the time, friendships with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend are nothing to worry about. Generally, they're strained and awkward, and often simply fizzle out on their own. But sometimes, a current partner who is still friends with an ex is something you should be concerned about. If might be time to worry if:

1. They spend more time with the ex than with you. If your partner is spending a considerable amount of time with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to say something, and quick. While it's okay to spend some time together after you've broken up, starting a new relationship implies just that: you've started a new relationship. If your partner can't give up on spending lots of time with their ex, it's pretty clear that they aren't truly ready to move on.

2. They refer to their ex as their "best friend." Maybe in one out of every 10,000 relationships, a couple can become best friends, break up, and still be best friends after the relationship ends. But with the other 9,999 couples that break up, it just doesn't happen. If your girlfriend or boyfriend talks about their ex as "their very best friend," it's time to worry. Unless they've known each other since they were in diapers (and generally not then, either), a couple can't usually maintain this kind of friendship after a breakup. If your partner has such strong feelings for their ex, it may just mean they haven't moved on yet.

3. The ex is single. When two ex-partners are attached to somebody else, it eases some of the pressure of them spending time together. But if one of the two is single, their relationship develops a whole different dynamic – because one is free to pursue the other, instead of both being held back by their current commitments. If your partner's ex is single, there's a real chance they may be trying to get your girlfriend or boyfriend back. And that they may succeed if they get enough time.

4. They don't understand your concerns. This is probably the biggest warning sign that your partner's relationship with their ex is more than the "friendship" they claim it to be. Because everybody knows and understands that these sorts of friendships are uncomfortable for the partner who is left behind. If somebody you're dating refuses to acknowledge that you have a right to feel uncomfortable about their friendship with their ex, it's just possible that they still have feeling for their ex…and they're simply trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Or, even more likely, over their own. But just because your partner doesn't want to admit their feeling for their ex doesn't mean they don't have any.

When your partner doesn't spend enough time with you, it can be lonely…and wreak havoc on your confidence in the relationship. But sometimes it can be hard to know whether you should demand more time…or if you should simply settle for what you've got.

Are you being realistic?

When feeling left behind by your partner, the first thing to ask yourself is whether or not you're being realistic about the situation. We all have different circumstances and different responsibilities…and some people simply don't have a lot of time to spare. Have you really looked over your partner's life and circumstances to gauge whether or not you're being realistic about their spare time? Between work and family and other responsibilities, it's perfectly possible that your partner is spending as much time with you as they reasonably can.

Are you making time on their terms?

You want to spend more time with your girlfriend or boyfriend, sure. But are you sure that you don't simply want to spend more time with them under your own terms? If you find yourself turning down opportunities to spend time with your partner because you're not interested in going to watch Nascar or hanging out with his or her kids, you don't have much to complain about. Part of being in a committed relationship is making compromises. You have to be willing to spend time on your partner's terms as much as you are on your own. And vice versa, of course.

If your partner has more responsibilities and less time than you do, you need to be prepared to make big compromises…and perhaps more of them than your partner does. It seems unfair, but sometimes it's the only way to spend time together.

Do they know what you want?

If you haven't talked to your partner about wanting to spend more time together, it's possible that they are spending time apart because they think it's what you want. Nobody likes to nag somebody they love into spending time with them, and so may back off a little too much – even when it's unnecessary. If you don't see your partner as much as you'd like, be sure to tell them so. But do it in a way that is uncomplaining and unpresuming.

Have you considered your differences?

Some people want to be with others all the time. But others prefer to spend most of their time alone. I should know – I'm one of them. If your partner is like me, and needs to have plenty of time to his or herself, you need to come to terms with it quickly. Needing alone time isn't personal, and has nothing to do with how your partner feels about you. The sooner you get used to the idea of your partner as an individual who needs plenty of time to his or herself, the better off your relationship will be.

When your roll of the relationship dice turns bad and things don't work out, it can be tempting to send those suckers spinning right back across the board again. You're in a hurry to win the game, so you've got to get yourself on to the next square, right? But what you may not realize is that spending time between squares is important, too – and that re-rolling your dice too quickly is an all-too-easy way to lose the game.

Take Care of Your Baggage

Alone time after a break up serves a purpose…and its most important purpose is getting you over the relationship that just ended. After you break up (especially if it was a long-term relationship, but even if it wasn't), you have a lot going on in your head and heart. Coming to terms with how the relationship ended and how it affected you is a big part of being ready for a new (and hopefully better) relationship.

Many people take their negative emotions and ideas with them into a new relationship – which is why those feelings are very aptly referred to as "baggage." But taking all of your negative baggage with you into your next relationship will bring a whole host of problems along with it – and these problems will, in turn, create unhealthy conflicts and unnecessary issues with your new partner. You owe it both to yourself and to the next person you date to come to terms with your break-up before you delve into something new – otherwise you'll make your new partner pay for some of the mistakes of your old one. Not exactly fair, is it?

Get in Touch with Yourself

Every relationship – romantic or otherwise – teaches you a valuable lesson about yourself. You just have to know how to look for it. Take the time between relationships to look more deeply at what you've learned and who you are, and try to fully embrace what you see. A huge part of being successful at a relationship with another person is being successful at the relationship you build with yourself: you are who you are and no man or woman is going to change that.

I know, I know…all of this sounds like a bit like, well…psycho-babble. But the truth is, one who takes the time to know, appreciate, and love him or herself is somebody who knows how to be happy. And a person who can be independently happy all on their own will have a much greater chance of being happy in a relationship – and reaching that elusive "happily ever after" square with their next roll of the dice.