Most of the time, friendships with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend are nothing to worry about. Generally, they're strained and awkward, and often simply fizzle out on their own. But sometimes, a current partner who is still friends with an ex is something you should be concerned about. If might be time to worry if:

1. They spend more time with the ex than with you. If your partner is spending a considerable amount of time with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to say something, and quick. While it's okay to spend some time together after you've broken up, starting a new relationship implies just that: you've started a new relationship. If your partner can't give up on spending lots of time with their ex, it's pretty clear that they aren't truly ready to move on.

2. They refer to their ex as their "best friend." Maybe in one out of every 10,000 relationships, a couple can become best friends, break up, and still be best friends after the relationship ends. But with the other 9,999 couples that break up, it just doesn't happen. If your girlfriend or boyfriend talks about their ex as "their very best friend," it's time to worry. Unless they've known each other since they were in diapers (and generally not then, either), a couple can't usually maintain this kind of friendship after a breakup. If your partner has such strong feelings for their ex, it may just mean they haven't moved on yet.

3. The ex is single. When two ex-partners are attached to somebody else, it eases some of the pressure of them spending time together. But if one of the two is single, their relationship develops a whole different dynamic – because one is free to pursue the other, instead of both being held back by their current commitments. If your partner's ex is single, there's a real chance they may be trying to get your girlfriend or boyfriend back. And that they may succeed if they get enough time.

4. They don't understand your concerns. This is probably the biggest warning sign that your partner's relationship with their ex is more than the "friendship" they claim it to be. Because everybody knows and understands that these sorts of friendships are uncomfortable for the partner who is left behind. If somebody you're dating refuses to acknowledge that you have a right to feel uncomfortable about their friendship with their ex, it's just possible that they still have feeling for their ex…and they're simply trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Or, even more likely, over their own. But just because your partner doesn't want to admit their feeling for their ex doesn't mean they don't have any.

You see, my blissfully perfect coworkers of both the male and female persuasion always seemed to go on and on about how their partners had no problem with them hanging out with friends, buying a few unnecessary yet needful things and even going away for a weekend without them. On the other hand, the destructively chaotic coworkers would talk just as much about their partners, but it would be all complaints about the same scenarios. What was the difference? A simple lack of trust.

Trust is such an important aspect of any relationship, and the sooner the boundaries of trust are established, the stronger the relationship will be. While it’s true a couple becomes a whole, each person in the relationship should still be allowed to express and have access to personal needs. If you can trust someone enough to be their own person, he or she will usually extend that same amount of trust to you.

Ladies, not all men are “pigs”. Just because you catch your man browsing unsavory sites on the Internet or noticing a strikingly beautiful woman walking down the street does not necessarily mean he wants to cheat on you. These are just things even the best of guys do, to the point where it seems to be hard wired into their DNA. If these things bother you, go ahead and talk to him about it and let him know you find it hurtful. However, don’t expect the behavior to magically go away, but do extend trust if you know this is as far as the behavior is going to go.

And guys, just because your girl goes out with her single friends to a bar or works late with a male coworker does not mean she intends to cheat on you, either. Communication is key here, so simply ask her how her day went; whether it went well or badly, she’ll probably have lots to talk about either way. Just be sure to really listen to what she has to say, because by being allowed to speak freely, you are in fact extending that trust to her.

In any case, about six weeks into the relationship I began to notice signs that all was not quite right in paradise. He would call me at all hours of the day and night, wondering where I was and who I was with. If I wasn't at my house when he popped by for a random visit, he would call me, furious, and tell me to get home. Eventually, I lost my friends and my life to this man who I had originally deemed my Prince Charming.

Possessive partners are nothing new, and they are often quite hard to spot until the relationship has already developed. My "Prince Charming" seemed perfect at first because he WAS charming! He seemed to get everything he wanted, but what he really wanted was a woman to dominate and control to feed his own self-esteem issues.

If you find yourself trapped in a relationship with a possessive partner, you have to get out. The following signs are red flags that something isn't right with the relationship, and you are merely an object… NOT an equal.

Excessive phone calls to find out where you are or repeated inquiries regarding your whereabouts means your partner doesn't trust you, and wants to keep tabs on you at all times. Get. Out. If your partner constantly puts you down, makes you feel inferior, or begins to show signs of controlling your life, you are being dominated by a possessive partner and it's NOT going to get better.

I learned the hard way that you can't change these people. Their self esteem and confidence are so low that the only way they can make themselves feel better is to control, dominate, and put you down. Eventually, a co-worker of mine who knew what I was going through made me realize I wasn't in a relationship – I was being controlled! She pointed out all of the signs to me, and I knew then and there that I had to break away from this man.

It was hard, because a possessive partner will try to make you feel that you need him – that you're nothing without him. That's exactly what my former Prince did, but I was able to stand my ground and walk away. Now that I've had that experience, I know how to spot the warning signs BEFORE I get seriously involved with someone. While the experience made me more cautious about dating, I was able to work past the fear and anxiety and finally re-emerged back into the dating scene.

If you find yourself involved with a possessive partner, the best thing you can do for yourself and your sanity is to break it off. It might take an outsider to steer you in the right direction, but if you spot these warning signs, don't think you'll be able to change them.

I found out the hard way that you can't.

Often times, the biggest misconception is the use of pornography by someone in a relationship. Many individuals, both men and women, view pornography – not because they are dissatisfied in their current situation, but because they enjoy it as entertainment or to get new ideas for the bedroom. Whatever the reason, it needs to be discussed with your partner – as some may consider viewing this explicit material as cheating.

Many people feel they aren't fulfilling something within their partner's sexual appetite that has them looking at this material. If this isn't the case, make it clear! Don't risk hurting your partner’s feelings because you're embarrassed bringing up the topic. If you are as close as you seem to be in the relationship, talking about this shouldn't be difficult. Do it now! Call them up and make sure this issue is addressed; otherwise, there’s a risk that it may affect the success of your relationship. Understanding is important in any relationship!

Pornography can be viewed together for a powerful experience as well. If your significant other is the one watching the pornography, take time to understand their stance and perhaps embark on the experience to see if you gain anything from it as well. Keeping an open mind also helps you grow both as an individual and as a couple in the future

Before any trust can be rebuilt you must address how and/or why it was broken in the first place. This is the time for brutal honesty. A complete confessional of how the trust was broken should only be done when you are both ready to hear it. Heartfelt apologies should be offered with indications of remorse and promises to not violate the trust again.

There is a massive amount of stress on your relationship once the trust has been broken. Reconciliation can happen first. This happens when both you and your partner make an agreement to work on the issues and rebuild the trust and the relationship. Reconciliation usually has to happen before forgiveness. It also indicates that you are invested in salvaging the relationship and not giving up on it. In many cases it will be up to the person that violated the trust to initiate reconciliation.

The most difficult task is then to forgive. It is never easy to forgive, but if you continue to hold on you will constantly live in a state of rage or anger. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you excuse abusive behavior. It does mean that you are able to work towards letting go of the past. Relationship experts suggest starting with forgiving your partner for their weakness. Your partner also needs to be ready to be forgiven and accept the consequences of their actions.

Sit down with your partner and reevaluate your goals. Remind each other what your priorities are and what unifies your life together. Sometimes a vocal or written commitment to the relationship is a good place to start. Try to avoid setting up conditions of forgiveness.

Getting outside help is strongly recommended. Make an appointment for the two of you to sit down with a relationship counselor. This should be a safe environment for both of you to be honest about how the trust has been damaged or lost. These counselors will have steps for you to go through that will help repair any damage, or in the worst cases, help you to safely walk away from each other.

Building trust takes time. It is essential to have trust before true intimacy can ever be achieved. At some point couples will need to share everything about themselves. This includes their past, their hopes, their fears and their hang-ups.

The more time you spend with your partner the more you will be revealing yourself. How you deal with work stress, a fight with your parents, even how to cope with a tight budget are all parts of who you are. The more you act honestly in these situations the more beneficial it can be for your new partner. This establishes a base so that when you act differently your partner can hone in on it and support you. Also, being honest allows your partner to accept and adore you for exactly as you are.

Communication, good and honest communication, is a key ingredient to building trust. If you are always jumping to conclusions or not listening to your partner the foundation of trust will crumble. The easiest way to communicate is to ask for explanations when you don’t understand something. Take the time so that you know what your partner means. Listen to what they are saying and truly hear; share openly and fully. By communicating your feelings you show that you trust your partner with your heart. Above all else, communicate through love, and try not to assume the worst of your partner.

Fights are common in all relationships, and knowing how to fight fairly is another way to build trust. Stay away from calling each other names or insulting one another. Try not to be overly generalizing or point fingers. Always stick to the point and know when to walk away to cool off.

Don’t expect to build trust overnight, it takes time. Many of us enter into relationships with cracks of damage from previous battles of the heart. If you or your partner is having continuous problems trusting, it might be time to seek outside help. Couples therapy is an excellent way for both of you to heal and come together.