It was a sunny afternoon in July when I received an email from British Airways with an amazing deal on airfare. It was a roundtrip ticket to Paris for only $239 (came out to about $400 with taxes). That day I was having lunch with my girlfriend (whom I had been dating for about 2 months now) at PF Changs and I told her about the email I received. She was ecstatic about the news and begged me to take her to Paris for New Years. I obliged and went home to purchase the tickets. At the time we were both still in College so we agreed to split the cost of the trip…which is perfectly normal. I came home and booked the entire trip on my credit card and explained to her that American Express requires payment in full and that she had about a month to pay me back. She agreed.

A month goes by and I approach her regarding the money. I calmly explain to her that I got my bill and that I would have to make a payment by the end of the week (it was a Monday). She acknowledges and says she will write me a check in a few days. The entire week goes by and I have yet to receive anything from her. I call her on Friday afternoon and ask her again about the money. This time she goes bonkers on me. She is screaming at the top of her lungs “Why the f*ck are you harassing me, leave me the f*ck alone. I will pay you whenever I feel like it”. I chose to leave out some other choice words, but I think you get the picture. What the heck just happened? Needless to say, I did get a check from her eventually, but it was about a month after the bill was due.

Planning the actual trip was no picnic either. I remember suggesting that we should each put in a few hundred dollars and use that money for basic expenses…as opposed to constantly trying to figure out who owes what each time. How does she respond? “No that’s not fair…you eat more than me.” This was a bit shocking, especially coming from a girl who never paid for a single thing the entire time she was dating me. But that’s a whole other topic on its own.

I wouldn’t wish the next 5 months on my worst enemy. We were constantly arguing about every little thing and broke up about 2 dozen times. Now that I think back, the only reason we actually remained in the relationship was because of our trip to Paris. If I could do it over again, I would simply have taken the loss on the tickets and went my separate way.

The Moral

Everyone changes when they get into a relationship, some for the better and others for the worst. Therefore, you should really get to know the person before you make any long term commitments, be it a trip to another country, moving in together, or even marriage. I understand that booking a trip and marriage are on completely different levels, but the underlying principle is the same…don’t commit to anything in a relationship until you get to know your partner. This takes time and usually doesn’t happen over night, but it’s completely worth the effort and will benefit you in the long run.

The Phone Call

I get a call from her at around 11pm (even though I told her 8pm) and she began talking. She talked, and she talked, and when she was done talking…she started over again. It was about half past midnight and she had yet to ask me a single question about myself. At the same time, I already knew her favorite food, her Father’s occupation, her dog’s nickname, and what color Burberry belt she was going to buy on the weekend. We spoke for about 5 hours (mainly she spoke) and we only discussed Math for about 30 minutes. We hung up the phone at around 4am that evening and went to sleep.

Asking Her Out

I told my friend Mike that I spoke to this girl over the phone for 5 hours and he convinced me that there was something more to her. I found out later on that he only wanted me to call her so that we could all go out as a group (she would bring along a girlfriend). After the final exam, I waked her over to her car and ended up asking her out on a date for the upcoming weekend. Fortunately for Mike, he would not be a part of this date.

The Date

It was the day of the first date and I was a little shocked to find out that she lived about 25 miles away from me. Our date was planned for 7:00pm and I left the house about an hour early so that I could make it on time. Unfortunately, the traffic in Los Angeles wasn’t on my side that day (or maybe that was a sign). It was already 6:50pm and I wasn’t even half way there. So I call her up to say that I was going to be late because of traffic (keep in mind I still had 10 minutes before our date) and she tells me that she already made other plans. What???? I was absolutely furious.

Apparently, she was expecting me to call her before I left to say that I was on my way over. Seeing as how it was 10-minutes to 7:00, she decided to make other plans. I guess I missed that little piece of etiquette in the Angry Woman’s guide to dating. After explaining to her that I was stuck in traffic for an hour and that I was coming over there regardless, she agreed to cancel the plans she made.

I arrived at her house around 7:30pm and the first thing she asks me is “where are my flowers”? I couldn’t help but wonder why this girl was demanding flowers…as if it were her god-given right to receive them. Shrugging off the flowers comment, we head back into the city (a 25 mile ride back) for some Sushi. The conversation over dinner was pretty much about her, and even as the evening winded down, she still never got around to asking me any questions.

The Physical Abuse

I am a very playful person and I joke a lot, so every time I would make a joke this girl would curl up her first, cock her arm back, and then punch me in the shoulder. The first time this happened I was in complete shock. “Did she just punch me”? On top of that, she got even more violent as the evening went on and she got a few drinks in her system. At one point she tore a “For Rent” sign out of the ground and hit me with it. Who does that? She probably punched me about 50 times that evening and I had a bruise the size of a tennis ball on my right shoulder the next morning (and I don’t bruise easily).

The Moral

All in all, this date should have ended the moment she told me that she had made other plans; but it didn’t happen that way. What followed was one of the most horrific and violent first dates of all time.

For instance, I never let my girlfriend pay unless she really insists on it. And when I say insist, I mean she literally jumps in front of me at the register and shoves her credit card at the cashier. You know, I really admire her for doing that. She knows that money is a little tight these days and she genuinely wants to help out. At the same time, I can’t help but remember another girl that I dated while I was in College.

The entire time I dated this girl, not once did she offer to pay for anything. She said that she couldn’t afford to pay because she didn’t have a job, and yet she would be purchasing designer clothing and handbags on a weekly basis. Now I am faced with a dilemma; do I call her out on how she had $1,200 to spend on a Louis Vuitton handbag and doesn’t have money to buy me a cup of coffee? Or should I just keep it to myself and let it go? I am not one to hold things back so I did confront her about it. She tells me that her parents (she was living at home) give her money to buy these items but that they refuse to give her money to go out. How does that make sense? And even if it is true, couldn’t you put aside $10 to get me a latte and a muffin?

Actually I take it back; she did pay on one occasion. We went out for lunch to a diner and she offered to pick up the check for our meal. As soon as we walked out the door and I was about to say thank you for lunch, she turns to me and says “You’re f*cking welcome”. She didn’t even give me a chance to say “Thank You” and then she jumps down my throat as if she just did some remarkable favor (lunch was $20 for the two of us).

A few weeks later she got a retail job in order to start saving for a new car. I spoke to her one evening and mentioned (as a joke) that since she now has a job, she could take me out once in a while. She responds by saying, “No I still can’t. I need to save up my money and that would be a waste”. I will leave what happened next up to your imagination.

I never go into any relationship (romantic or platonic) with my guard up. Even though I have had some pretty tough experiences over the years in both areas, I still like to believe that there are people out there who are genuine, honest, and truly care about your well being. Although I start every relationship with a clean slate, I am now acute to those early warning signs that would have gone unnoticed in the past.

I honestly believe that these horrific relationships/experiences are a rite of passage; so that when the right person does comes along, we can notice and appreciate them for all the little things that they do.