You and your significant other recently ended the relationship. You’re hurt, sad, angry, and just don’t know how you will ever get over the break up. There are very few things in life that can be as painful as a broken heart. So what should you do when faced with such a difficult time in your life?
The first thing any break up will do is cause emotional and mental distress. Therefore, the best thing to do is to talk to somebody about what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. Venting out will help to release all the built-up stress, anger, sadness, and worries. If you find yourself uncomfortable speaking to somebody, write it down on a sheet of paper, in a personal diary or journal. The worst thing you can do is to internalize all of the negative feelings. It is so important to just let it all out.
Because you’re emotionally susceptible during this time, do not play the “Let’s try to be friends” game. This will only make things harder on you. You will never get over somebody if you do not have time away from that person to recover. This also means deleting your ex’s contact information from your phone, email, instant messenger, and Myspace account. You’ll only end up foolishly and regretfully drunk dialing him/her one night, or sending a pathetic email. The instant messenger and Myspace account is especially dangerous because you will end up spying on your ex. Furthermore, get rid of everything that will remind you of your past relationship. For example, avoid going to places where you will likely have a run-in with your former partner, get rid of old emails, love letters, pictures, etc. Reminiscing about the past won’t bring your ex back. It will only harbor greater heartache and animosity.
One of the biggest mistakes people make after a bad break up is to jump into another relationship. Some do it to get their former loves jealous, while others do it because they are feeling lonely. This is a bad idea – you will only end up surfacing your insecurities and selfishness onto your new relationship. Rather, take your mind off the break up by being proactive in your life – pick up a new hobby, or simply enjoy some quality time with friends. Find something positive and fun to do that will keep you occupied during your time of need.
In short, breakups are never easy, but that’s no excuse for you to mope around, feeling sorry for yourself all day. Sure, give yourself a few days to do so, but after that, get up and start fresh. Talk to somebody about how you feel, be heard. That always helps a lot. Remember to avoid any contact with your ex and get rid of old memorabilia from the relationship (out of sight means out of mind). Though you may wonder if you will ever get over the hurt, just have patience. Time heals all wounds – that is a fact.
Courtesy: Elizabeth Nobukuni
Hi there. I am 39 years old. I started dating a guy who is 33 6 months ago. He was divorced for a year and a half but had recently within a few weeks before we met, left his ex for the second time. His ex wasnt from around here and was 1000 miles away, so he moved back here with his family, then we met. We hit it off instantly. He was sweet, kind,caring. WE spend alot of time together. His ex was still in picture due to them having 3 kids together. He would tell me he missed his kids cause tehy were so far away, would tell me how his ex tryed to mainupulate him and how she gave himm a hard time, etc. He would tell me how happy I made him, that I made him the happiest hes been in his life. His family all agreed and he said I made him very happy, they could see a change in him. His ex kept trying to get him back, posting things on her myspace, like old pictures of them together and her pregnacies with his kids, if she had a date, she would post that, etc. jsut to get to him, to make him jealous. Nothing seemed to work. He said he was over her and loved me. His mom who is close to him reassured me to. Last Thursday he came to me with tears in his eyes. I knew what it was about. That it was something to do with us breaking up. I dont know why but I knew, even though things were great. He said he cant handle his kids crying for him anymore and that hes gotta try to work it out with her, cause she wont move back here unless he gives her another chance. He cryed and said how much he loved me but has to do this for his kids. I dont know what went on but know she always would make him feel bad, call him a bad dad for not being around etc. He also said he loves her too, even though he badmouthed her alot when we were together,saying how unhappy he was. So Im kind of confused here. I know he loves me, yet why give up on the love that made him the happiest in his life? Am I dumb to beleive that or did he truley feel that? His whole family is in shock, they like me and said hes making a mistake, they know how his ex treated him and how happy he was with me and how hes already tryed with her before. I just need someone opinion here. Theres alot i didnt put here, just the points i thought would help you understand. His ex is happy now, she got him back, she hasnt moved back yet but planning on it, he wants no contact with me saying its too hard,crying all the time he told me that and said i love you and hung up. She still trys everything to get to my on her myspace, which i havent looked at in a few days and dont plan on it, cause it will hurt alot if she put something there about them to, hes deleted me off his space and blocked it. His family still talk to me and want to remain that way. His ex trys to get to me, trying to hurt me more, sent me a message saying he didnt care about me at all, which i know wasnt true.i saw it everyday how he treated me, i jsut need someones opinion here
I have been dating this guy for about 2 1/2 years and things have been up and down since the begining. We just recently broken up because he saw me driving with the father of my too daughters ( I was just giving him a ride ) and he completly flip out because he was with his friends and said that I made him look stupid. After he saw me he called right away calling me names like slut, bitch and he even said that I was dead to him. When we get into fights these are the kinds of things that he is always saying to me. I didnt hear from him for a week until he got drunk on Friday and called me up telling me off again at 2:00 in the morning. I cannot belive some of the things that he was saying to me. After 2 1/2 years of someone telling you how much they love you I dont understand what happen. So I wrote him a long letter telling him how I felt and that I feel that I deserve an appology for the things that he had said to me and that he would not hear from me until I got that and that if he didnt I was sorry that his pride got the best of him. I kept trying to explain to him that it was just a ride and I was dropping him and my girls off, me and my X have a very good relationship as friends and that is all we have been broken up for almost 8 years and my boyfriend knows that, he would always say that he was never worried about him so what happen? I guess what I am trying to get at is he is only calling me when he is drunk and wants to tell me off, he has been out and about doing who knows what and it is driving me crazy. I am trying to just not think about him but I find myself constanly checking my phone for texes and so on. I feel very confused and I am not sure what he is upto and wondering if he will ever call when he is sober. Please please I need some good advice.
i get over my ex by getting new girlfriend. after i get new girlfriend i go back 2 my ex an no more problems any more coz no more drama, we even sex together sum times now days
Kim,
I'm in a silular situation now, what ever happened?
My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me. We were very close she meant alot to me. I later found out she had feelings for another guy My Bestfriend that hurt me so bad i felt so betrayed by her cause that wasnt her. I of course called her alot sent her texts untill she changed her number i recently got rid of everything that reminded me of her i still think about her constantly and cant seem to get over her it seems its easier for her. I thought she was the one for me.
Hi Dekkard,
I’m sorry to hear about what happened. Did you say that your ex-girlfriend left you because she has feelings for your best friend? If so, did they start a relationship? It’s only natural that you feel betrayed and hurt. It takes time to heal from a broken relationship, but without doubt, you will eventually move on. How long ago did you two break up?
Everyone experiences breakups. Was this your first serious relationship? Just know that things always happen for a reason. Continuing a relationship that is not right for you is much worse than facing the pain of a breakup. At least you know that with time, the pain will pass. As the old saying goes, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just stay true to yourself and you will meet the right one.
It was probably a good thing that your ex changed her number. Do you also have her on your Myspace, Facebook, or e-mail contacts? You should delete her from all of them. Out of sight is out of mind.
Meanwhile, I would suggest discovering other areas of your life that bring you happiness. In many ways, a breakup is a new beginning in your life. Take this opportunity to do something for yourself. Rediscover a passion, join a club or go to the gym. It really helps to get over a painful breakup when you focus on something productive, including starting up a hobby, reading a good book, talking with friends, etc. Get active! Joining a new hobby or activity can also be an excuse to meet new people.
Nothing is worse than mopping around the house and dwelling on the past. Think about it, even if you were to get back together, could you ever trust her again after she hurt you and left you like that? Most likely not. It’s not so much that you need her back; rather it’s that you want her back. At any rate, you must move forward.
Sincerely,
Liz
Dear Ally88,
Your ex may have some reason to be upset after seeing you driving around with your children’s father (although it was purely innocent)—it's only natural to feel jealous or bothered—but he absolutely has no right to call you such absurd names, including “slut” and “bitch.” He obviously has major underlying self-esteem issues. You shared that he broke up with you because according to him, you made him look stupid in front of his friends. He seems more preoccupied with what his friends think than working on building confidence and trust in the relationship.
You said that your relationship with him has been up and down from the start. Have you ever evaluated the relationship and asked why that is so? For the past two and a half years, your ex has been telling you that he loves you, but it bears no significance if his actions aren’t consistent with his words. How old is this guy anyways? I can’t believe a grown man would resort to such immature behavior.
The bottom line: You deserve respect and if he can’t give that to you, move on. What woman needs a drunken man calling at 2am screaming obscenities toward her? Even if he decides to take the higher road and apologize, if he’s not going to make the effort to change his attitude and behavior, the relationship will never advance. If he’s not willing to work things out as a mature adult, there’s no point in continuing this dead-end relationship. I’m pretty sure you’re a smart woman and can figure this one out.
Best,
Liz
Liz,
She broke up with me on November 4th and yes her and my ex bestfriend have a relationship started which makes it harder. I dont have any contact with her at all so thats good. Yes this was my first real relationship i thought she was the one but i guess she wasnt thank you for the advice it actually has made me feel better about the situation and i am gonna stop the mopping.
Hi Dekkard,
You don't need to be with a girl who not only disrespects, but also completely disregards the feelings of the person who cares most about her. I truly believe that every action we make (from our thoughts, words and behaviors)has consequences. Both your so-called "best friend" and ex-girlfriend, as adults, knew exactly what they were getting into. In short, their actions were based on selfishness and pure emotion, rather than on sincerity and reason. Because those qualities characterize the foundation of their relationship, it will be short-lived.
The truth always reveals itself in the end--at least you realized the true characteristics of your friend and ex sooner than later. As I said before, stay true to yourself and things will work out. Nature always has a way of working its course. The more challenges we face along the way, the greater potential for building inner strength. That is, as long as we keep our heads held high. Best wishes, Liz.
I seem to be in exactly the same situation as Dekkard, my girlfriend of 18 months, whom I love dearly, broke up with me 2 weeks before Christmas. Things had been a little strained but I didnt expect that. Unfortunately for me, she has also started seeing one of my friends, although I dont believe she was seeing him whilst she was with me. The pain and torture I am suffering is immeasurable, I havent slept and hardly eaten in 3 weeks. I live close by her and keep seeing them together when i'm driving, which intensifies the pain. And then quite out of the blue she texts me 3 days ago saying " Hi did you have a good weekend?", which has sent my emotions through the floor once again. Im in a terrible state and havent felt this poorly in years. I suppose the answer is no contact at all but you have no idea how hard this is to imagine, she was my world for 18 months. This is a good website, I sincerely hope that somebody can offer some words of hope to me in an attempt to recover. Im 38, shes 40.
Thanks.
Justin,
I know what your going through it sucks but he is my next door neighbor so i always have to see them together. She was my world for 2 and a half years and he was by best friend forever so it was a pretty big blow but you know what it made me stronger talk to people about it will vent you out and make you feel better. The best revenge is to do well improve something about yourself. The only way the severe pain will go away if you cut all contact off trust me it helps i did and im better than i was a month ago. Try hanging out with some new ladys not rebounds but friends and maybe you will meet someone special everything happens for a reason remember that.
Thanks for reply, ive sat by the phone for the past 2 days with my hand hovering over the receiver, ithink "maybe just a quick call to see how shes doing" but i know that just the sound of her voice (if she answers) will set me back and make me weep.
And to make matters even worse i drove past the 2 of them yesterday arm in arm. Its killing me, thinking of them together. I am just angry, miserable, moody, depressed, not eating, I am just sincerely hoping that time will heal and that I can maintain no contact. This will be so damn hard, god lifes a bitch.
Justin,
The best thing to do is dont wait for her live your life thats what shes doing and dont talk to her it will make things worse trust me on that one. Is there another way you can go so you dont have to see them together. Try getting busy with something it will make you feel better. I was just like you 2 months ago but i still am hurt but i dont sit around and mope anymore. If she wants you she knows how to reach you and from the text she sent you shes been thinking of you she might even want to make you a little jealous. That dosent mean wait around for her people usually want what they cant have so remember that make yourself unavailable.
Youre right, since that text on monday i havent heard from her, I sent her a drunken Happy New Year text but got no reply so theres a clear message there. If she wanted to contact me then she would have. I suspect her new partner has told her not to contact me. I have hovered over my mobile today but have resisted contacting her. Its hard because her father and dog are both on death's door and i want to know how they are, but i know itll only make matters worse if i try and contact her. I was even thinking of leaving it say 3 or 4 weeks and phoning her but i dont know if its a good idea. Its the cold hard reality of life isnt it, I hate it, god i miss her so much. Been looking at some photos today of us on the beach last summer, holding hands smiling, it makes me cry. Thanks for the motivation i appreciate it, lets hope this blog keeps going as i need it right now ! (im in the UK by the way).
Justin,
I dont want to tell you what to do but im trying to help you. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her trust me it will make you feel less sad. Dont call her back let her call you if she wants to listen to that guy let her its her problem now. You seem like a good guy she just wasnt right for you but you will find that someone trust me on that one.
Thanks Dekkard I appreciate it. I found out last night that my ex and her new partner and going on a 2 week skiing holiday at the end of Jan in Italy, that must be costing a fortune, and she said to me before Xmas that she hadnt got a penny and could barely afford to live!
Any thoughts of feeling better today have been sidelined by this news, I feel totally like shit again. I havent slept a wink thinking about her. I wont call her, she doesnt want me to, im reading all of these blog entries again to try and feel better. Best regards
You will continue to feel that way if you keep finding things out like that. You need to break all contact i mean all if you dont know what shes doing you cant be upset. Dont worry what she does now its her problem now let her go let her make dumb choices. Your not there anymore if you let her go for awhile she could come back. but you still have to live your life.
Hi
I split wih a guy 7 months ago and I still seem to be thinking about him everyday, I miss him and keep reliving all the promises we made each other, driving myself mad. I have tried emailing a few months ago saying i really wanted us to try again and that the odds had been stacked against us but he just said I wasnt what he wanted anymore. He seeemd so sure but to be fair he was getting over a divorce he had 4 relationships in past 2 years after his marriage break-up, amybe he was trying to recreate his homelife etc who knows. I would appreciate any advice as to how I can stop obsessing over himas it is making my life a misery. My mother was very ill for a long time and I was her sole carer and she died halfway through our 5 month relationship and as you can imagine it put an awful strain on us and he walked away, when i needed him most.He treated me very badly when we split and showed no compassion even though I really was distraught at losing my mum then him. Realistically i think I am mixing grief for my mum with loss of him its all a mudddle, and I just want to get through it. Ive tried dating other guys but always think of him and how he made me laugh and all the times he said we had a great future to look forward to. He did email some 4 months after we split and did admit he was wrong to make all the promisez he did and that he hadnt kept any of them and that he was sorry but he didnt say he wanted me back. Although he did say about meeting once to see how we felt, but I knew he had been seeing another lady and that she had finshed with him and he was feeling low so I said no as I didnt want to get hurt, however the next day i did say lets meet for a chat and he said no he didnt want to.. Im just bewildered.. any advice please??
Jellybean,
I feel for you im also recovering from a bad break up. I read your story and i think you should meet with him one last time just to see how things go tell him how you feel if he rejects you then dont take it personal god has something planned for us all and he might not be apart of that plan but theres only one way to know. let me know how things go
I really need help on this one,
I have moved on but it is hard and i have deled her facbook and i dont even txt her or ring her anymore, But i find this very weird after this weekend i have had
I met the girl from the internet and at the time she was in hospitial. so i decided to met her,She lives miles away from me in the u.k and my friend told me to tread carfully, we met hugged and made arrangements to met again
We spoke before we met for a few months online and i had gathered that had just lost her mum to natural causes.also she told me things i wont reveal on here that were sensitive and things she could not discuss,
My family met her and we decided to spend christmas together and new year, But she never turned up for christmas.I was very hurt and when i called her she never took my calls and wen i texted her she never even txted back, But one night i contacted her on new years eve and a man answered the phone and told me i had the wrong number when it was the right number
She came on facebook 2 days later saying she was robbed and beten up at a nightclub which i never beleived
Then she kicked off on me saying i never kept in touch when i left her convisations on facebook and txted all the time,
My friend seen i was totally depressed and even now i have lost all my confidence in finding a nice woman,Im feel worthless
By the most annoying thing when i was drunk i thown her clothes out in the bin as i tried to get in touch and ask her could i met her to return her items and she just ignored me as usual. She ended up with another man i found out and i never bothered her again even though i still think about her day after day.until last saturday she come on my msn and accused me of trying to break up her new man with her and i have not been in touch,the she turned round and told me she still loved me,
then following that one she got back in touch and told me her new man has died of a tumor and she is looking after his son he has left behind(the night after she said she was with another man and not the one who died)she flirts on msn with other men in front of me but it dont bother me. i am a reall nice man i treated her with respect and i tried to be friends and left her alone she is still playing games, whay do you think that is?is it bitterness or still feelings?
Thanks Dekkard for taking the trouble to write, I decided in the end there was nothing I could say or do anymore as he knew from my countless emails in the beginning how much I still loved him. I think he asked to meet me when he was feeling low as the next day when I said I would like to meet he said his heart wasnt in it anymore... He is now seeing yet another woman, so i guess I have no choice but to try and move on but it still hurts and I did really love him, I hadnt had a partner for many years and he knew what he meant to me but he seems to move from one to another, he is obviously hurting over his divorce and I just caught in the middle. I am not dating as I find it too upsetting as all I think of is him still, i just hope one day i can forget him as I know now I was just another woman in his long line. I still think of him when I wake and most of the day and it does hurt. one positive thing i will say though for anyone going through heartbrake I bought the Paul Mckenna book How to mend a broken heart and it has an accompanying cd and it does help I have listened to it everyday for last 3 weeks and I def have become more accepting of my situation, and my friends say i seem better than I did. x
Also in response to the above Andy, I really thin k you can do better she is messing you around,honestly life is too short... find yourself someone new, it will happen and you will wonder why you have spent all this time upset.. At least this is what everyone tells me< i know it is hard when you think you have found the one, but at the end of the day if they can dally with others so easily, they really dont know what they want least of all us. Evryone deserves someone who will love them and only them.. think on this, Hope you feel better soon.
I broke up with my girlfriend 4 wks ago from a 3 years relationship. We still seeing each other after we broke up as two people. I really want to move on but because we are always around each other its been difficult for me. I dont want to think that she still love me or not. Last night we went out for dinner, after dinner she kept asking me if I'm seeing anyone or not. At first it was okay but now its a bit annoyin now because I dont know why she kept asking me (in a joking way). I also cannot stop thinking about her with another man but I never ask her because I dont want to hear it not because its not my business. I feel better when I dont see her for a couple of days but if I spend time with her, I stil longing for her afterward. I really dont know what to do..
My exboyfriend is from a nother country but he has lived here for about 8 years now, but his brother and father were in cuba. He was waiting his father to get him the scolarship he needed to go to med school in cuba... but about a year ago we met and we fell madly in love with each other.
With time, he realized the swiss gob. had to give him a lot of money, wich could work to study here... so he paid first semester of med school here.
He went 3 times for like a month and a half to cuba while we were together, and those times i felt totally destroyed.... the last time, for christmas, right before the date he was suposed to come back for med school, he tells me that he´s going to stay in cuba, studying because there´s a big chance that the money wont be enough, and working is not a posibility for him.
I yelled at him and broke up with him... he came like a month ago to get some things and i saw him, and talked a lot, went to his house several times... then he left to cuba, telling me that we was goig to figure out how to return because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.....
But i call him yesterday, and he tells me that right now he cant do anything because he cant leave the country and the only way is to get in a cheaper college here (wich is not easy and starts classes again until next year).
That means.... i was suposed to wait if he really was coming back? to wait if he really got in that college?
We were together for about 9 months, and i love him... still. I´m not going to have a distance relationship and he wont return if it´s not tha way he says so... my heart is so broken, and i dont know how to get over him!
it true when a man hurts you so baldly don't even entertain his friendship oz u will find your self with same feelings that what i did we broke up then we became friends you know what we started again having sex and this really affected me so much i couldn't get over it just to find that he had moved on with his life and he have a girl friend already do you know it hurt ed me badly more that before
My boyfriend of 2 years somehow found himself in another relationship a month after we broke up and we also have a child together. I am so confused at this point because I had to find out from someone else and he was bragging about how happy he was on the internet. I am still very much in love with him and I haven't moved on whatsoever but I think he was only ever with me because I was carrying his child. He's not the type to rush into a realtionship so I think he was seeing this girl before we broke it off. Everyday is a struggle and my mornings are the worst of all. I thought we'd be together forever as a family, but I'm finding out that we were never meant to be. I can't give any advice because I'm in need of it. I just have to be strong for my child and move on with my life. It is EXTREMELY hard though.
Hi,
Im Chelsea and im 16 years old.My boyfriend and i were together for about 2 years and we broke up last week. he broke up with me because he said that he was under to much pressure with me. so i found out that he was calling somebody the next day and today i found out he likes another girl. the worst part is that i go to school with him and hes in everyone of my classes but two. im so sad. i want to talk to him and he trys to be my friend but all it does is hurt me all the time.so pleasehelp me im so tired of being sad and mad and lonely. it hurst so bad.tell me what to do please......
How do you get over someone when they live across the hall from you. Talk about uncomfortable. I know I should move but I cant afford it right now.