When you first start a relationship, you're infatuated...you're in the honeymoon stage. Both of you are on your best behavior, and don't let too much of the bad stuff hang out for the other to see. So it can be difficult at the beginning of a relationship to figure out if you're dating a...well...a loser.
Who would have thought that this would happen now, just as it did when you were an unruly teenager? It's frustrating, it's silly, and it makes you feel like you're a pimply 15-year-old again. Yep, your parents disapprove of who you're dating. And while, as your parents, their entitled to their opinions about the people in your life, you really wish they'd just try to be as happy for you as you are.
You've met somebody new, and this man or woman seems ideal in every way. They like the same movies you do, they look at the world the same way you do. You laugh together and have amazing conversations and your chemistry is out of this world. There's only one problem. You just found out that he or she has kids... and you don't.
Roller coasters are a lot of fun. You rise to the highest peaks, your heart in your throat...only to plummet so quickly that your heart plops right down into your stomach. Loop de loops and flip flops and crazy upside-down moments...well, there's nothing like it.
The deeply passionate couple that chooses to be together against the wishes of everyone around them. The man who leaves everything in his life in order to chase after the love of a woman who has captured his heart. The passion, the intensity…the happily ever after, "love conquers all" ending. Nice, right?
When I'm talking about this subject, I always feel like I'm treading over dangerous ground. Because I'm a girl who does like nice guys...and I know that other women want men to treat them decently, too. But here's something else that I think is true for most women: while we say that we want a nice guy to treat us like a princess and buy us flowers and worship us...we're kind of, well...lying. And most of us don't even realize it.
Every time I hear this famous Harry Belafonte song, it makes me think about the importance of looks in romance:
"If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you!"
I always wondered if Belafonte was married, and if so, what his wife thought of that particular ditty! Because it seems like there’s nothing in the world worse than being considered unattractive by the opposite sex. But is that actually true? Are looks really so important? Or does personality have a greater effect on attraction in the long run?
I think women the world over should send the creators of Sex in the City a few million thank-you notes. No, not for making women think that we should all be able to spend $600 on a pair of shoes (I’m certainly not!). But for introducing characters like Samantha Jones, who look at sex the way a man does: as something they have a right to want, that they shouldn’t for a second be ashamed of.
My last blog post was all about dumping a guy gently. Taking care of his ever-fragile ego and letting him down as easily as possible. Today is part two – dumping a girl while inflicting the smallest amount of pain possible. Being a girl myself, I’ve always thought that we ladies are more complicated than guys in this respect (and most others, come to think of it – but that’s an entirely different article). So the methods that work well with guys don’t work at all for girls...in fact, we generally want exactly the opposite.
Unless if you’ve got a cruel sense of humor, dumping somebody you’re dating isn’t a lot of fun. But even though you’re aching with guilt about wanting to break things off, you have to remember this: it’s your right to end a relationship. In fact, it’s your responsibility. If you’re not happy in a relationship (or don’t see yourself even having a relationship with this guy) you owe it to yourself to break it off and not look back. Sounds harsh, I know, but...that’s all there is to it.
