I remember when I started telling a few of my friends that I had made a decision to be celibate until marriage. A few of them laughed and I don't mean a little chuckle. They hollered, even mocked and then looked at me as if I were crazy. One even told me that his wife had tried to use that while they were dating and he wasn't having it. I told him how very supportive and respectful he was of her decision. Hopefully he heard my sarcasm.
A few years ago, a person would not be as open to use the word Celibate when describing their nonexistent sex life. Celibacy was usually associated with people whom were either newly Christians or religious. Now being Celibate or abstaining from sex is becoming almost as popular as the act of sex itself.
However, we still live in a country that is ruled by sexual deity. With each Fall Season, television explodes with more shows where sexual escapades are the premise. If we were to believe what we see on television and in a lot of popular films, a date is not successful unless it ends with sex.
So here are a few things to think about if you have decided to practice Celibacy. One, can you date and be Celibate in a culture so ruled by sexual ideology? Two, if you do practice Celibacy, how do you approach the subject with someone you're interested in dating. Do you tell them right away and hope they don't go screaming out of the room? Or three, what if you aren't sure how to bring up the subject because you're really into the person, however you've been dating for awhile and you are anticipating that either they are going to want to make a move or talk about making a move?
I believe that most people (if not all) who have decided to be Celibate, did not come to that decision lightly. Deciding to be Celibate is just as challenging as telling yourself that ‘starting Monday, I plan to diet' or ‘after this last one, I will not smoke again'. You can easily go off your plan. Believe me, it ain't easy!
However, the act itself can be a way of cleansing and a way of healing from hurtful relationships, promiscuity, spiritual awareness or just wanting to wait for the right one. But even with those choices you've made, it still could make you a little anxious and weary when deciding to share it when it comes to dating.
Hopefully when you do decide to share (and to be fair to that person, you should always do it at the beginning of any relationship) you won't run into someone who tries to force you to chose between them or your morals or at the least, they will be honest and tell you it's either cool or it's not. Either, way if they don't respect your choice, tell them to step! Trust me, sooner or later you will meet someone who will.
Courtesy: Sheilah Brooks
Hi! I have been celibate since the 12/30/08. Since then I have been asked out several times and realize that most men just want sex because I am upfront about my celibacy before we even go out. Most guys scoff at the idea of celibacy! I find it to be a useful tool to prevent my time from being wasted and weeding out the bad apples,jerks and players. I feel it's GOD's way of giving me discernment. My promise to GOD is celibacy until marriage! I praise GOD for enlightening my spirit and giving me the courage and confidence to love HIM first and love self and heal my heart from sexual ludeness and promiscuity! Thank GOD! If I sound arrogant, I"ll be that because it's what the Lord wants for me! Stay encouraged and be blessed!!!
I AGREE WITH YOU A MILLION TIMES.
I came on this to view other peoples ideas on celibacy. I have been celibate 3yrs after a series of bad relationships. Now I fully appreciate God's intentions and guidlines for dating. I have just met up with an old boyfriend and I have just told him that I am celibate. He can't understand my christian faith and why I slept with other men 3yrs ago. I feel pressured and feel that this relationship is coming to an end. All because I have put God first in my life and I also want a long meaningfull relationship plus no sex before marriage. I must also point out that I enjoy sex, I am not a prude like my friends are makingout.
I have just decided to clean up what I messed up. I am a person who enjoy sex, but always end up with just sex partners. I am looking for more out of a relationship. So with that said My New Year's resolution is to become celibate. I am very serious about this choice that I have made. To do better in my new lifestyle I have been on websites trying to figure out how to go about this. The do's and don'ts of celibacy. My goal in this new lifesytle is to gain self controll and find my life partner, and the father of my future kids.I have told family members and like yours, my family laugh at me and said let's see how long this will last. That makes me want to do it that much more. So here's to 2010 and celibacy.
Congratulations to all of you brave women (and men who might be reading this). I've been struggling with my attempt to celibacy for many years. I've failed a couple of times, and when I gave in, that's when I got cheated on, etc. So I've realized that men respect you and love you much more when you stick to your values and are pure! Once you encourage immorality, there's like a spiral and they start to wonder even more. Don't give yourself away until you're married and you trust the person 100%! That's my plan.
I'm a christian black woman (45) and have been celibate since 12/20/1997, that's when I left my husband for one episode of domestic violence. However, I have gone on dates off and on over the 12 years. Once I tell my dates that I'm celibate until marriage, my dates don't stick around very long.There are many days and nights that I cry. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. Not because I miss having sex, it's because they all say the same things to me (white and Black men) When they meet me, My God you are so beautiful, why do you choose to be celibate and how they really would like to get to know me better. I treat men with dignity and respect and is very kind and nice to them. When they really realize that I was telling the truth--No sex. I get left with having feelings for them and unrealized dreams. I want to get married and definitely want to make love again. I know that celibacy is right for me and will continue to remain so until marriage. But I'm tired of not being the one chosen for a wife. I'm succesful, mentally stable, physically fit with a career that earns over 100K/yearly, and own a very large home.--All true, I just don't know what is the matter?
Monica, I'm not sure of your spiritual background, but as a woman of God reading your comment I simply say to you, "nothing is the matter!" I know it can get tough, but even if the relationship ends and you're not choosen as the wife, at least you are still sexually intact and not left with that baggage..better that then to sleep with the guy and still not be the one chosen for the wife! You simply have not met the right guy.
Hello all,
I am 24 and my boyfriend he's 28 and I have decided to be celibate TOGETHER! We are both growing Christians and have been together 2 years which most of the relationship has been sexual. We definitely know that God bought us together and we must acknowledge that as well as nurture our relationship. Before my boyfriend, I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years and we did have sex but there was no emotion and there was physical, emotional, and mental abuse. So after that relationship (I know I'm young) I decided to get closer to God and ask for his guidance.
He led me to my now boyfriend or should I say led him to me. Even though we have struggled with sex in our relationship, we have decided to be celibate until we are married. I think it is good when the couple does this whole- heartedly and not just 1 person or have sex a few days then not for a few months. That doesn't work at all.
To anyone that is struggling with a relationship or deciding on this I would say just do it! It opens up your mind, spirit, and eventually your body for when you and your partner do decide to be intimate. Also, it brings you closer together because everything is not just about sex. You learn more about each other and learn how to keep the relationship spicy because once you're married most couples do decline in sex so at least this way you work up to no sex to a lot and can mellow it out with the same kind of outtings and romantic things you did when you weren't having sex.
I think so many people loose touch of what commitment and love is all about. If one partner has chosen celibacy then if the other truly loves them, they will agree with their partner. It must be a mutual choice. If not then move on. You may fall but you must get back on track as well. So I'm not going to say it's impossible to do but I'm not saying you won't be tempted and/or fall at some point. You can't let it get you down.
Being of a younger age, my friends think we both are crazy or weird so its not just older people that think this way. As a matter of fact, within the age group of 18-30 sex is viewed totally different now then say 10-20 years ago. My peers throw around sex like its recycle-able. Its very disgusting and not to mention all the unprotected sex that goes on and the diseases etc. My partner and I also got tested together before we had sex and even though we are not anymore, we continuosly get check ups because your health is VERY important. People don't think now-a-days. Is 1 night or a few minutes in some cases worth your life?!?!?
Many have all these rules and excuses as to why they dont get tested or don't even think about how many people are having unprotected sex. If there is one reason to be celibate as a single person I would say its for your life and that's more than important...it's extremely vital! One reason to be celibate as a couple is to grow together and enjoy the intimacy that God has promised us in truth and love.
Hi! I'm a youthful 70 y.o. woman, widowed for almost 5yrs. I recently started dating a 65 y.o. I told him about my cebebrate comittment, so far, he understants as he is a christian also, but he believes it's ok for christians to have sex, as many of them do. Now we are talking about marriage after getting to know each other better. For us we are thinking we need to enjoy each other as best we can in the good yrs. we have in the future. What I really wanted when I started dating was a platonic relationship with someone who was impotant, God didn't send this type person to me, I'm still asking for divine guidance in my relationship. It is a challenge even for seniors, I know it is difficult for younger people and require a lot of prayer to maintain your comittment to God.
I just got in a relationship and we're practicing celibacy...it's been three months so far and I'm just trying to take my mind off of it. I am so frustrated, but I pray more about it and ask God to please help me! This experience is really getting me closer to God!