In a perfect world, your partner would have plenty of time to spend with you, and would always make time when you asked for it. Your schedules would mesh, and making time wouldn't be the effort that it is now. Unfortunately, though, things don't work that way. Because even when couples want to spend a ton of time together, they generally can't. Life and responsibilities get in the way, forcing both of you to compromise the amount of quality time you get.
When your partner doesn't spend enough time with you, it can be lonely...and wreak havoc on your confidence in the relationship. But sometimes it can be hard to know whether you should demand more time...or if you should simply settle for what you've got.
Are you being realistic?
When feeling left behind by your partner, the first thing to ask yourself is whether or not you're being realistic about the situation. We all have different circumstances and different responsibilities...and some people simply don't have a lot of time to spare. Have you really looked over your partner's life and circumstances to gauge whether or not you're being realistic about their spare time? Between work and family and other responsibilities, it's perfectly possible that your partner is spending as much time with you as they reasonably can.
Are you making time on their terms?
You want to spend more time with your girlfriend or boyfriend, sure. But are you sure that you don't simply want to spend more time with them under your own terms? If you find yourself turning down opportunities to spend time with your partner because you're not interested in going to watch Nascar or hanging out with his or her kids, you don't have much to complain about. Part of being in a committed relationship is making compromises. You have to be willing to spend time on your partner's terms as much as you are on your own. And vice versa, of course.
If your partner has more responsibilities and less time than you do, you need to be prepared to make big compromises...and perhaps more of them than your partner does. It seems unfair, but sometimes it's the only way to spend time together.
Do they know what you want?
If you haven't talked to your partner about wanting to spend more time together, it's possible that they are spending time apart because they think it's what you want. Nobody likes to nag somebody they love into spending time with them, and so may back off a little too much - even when it's unnecessary. If you don't see your partner as much as you'd like, be sure to tell them so. But do it in a way that is uncomplaining and unpresuming.
Have you considered your differences?
Some people want to be with others all the time. But others prefer to spend most of their time alone. I should know - I'm one of them. If your partner is like me, and needs to have plenty of time to his or herself, you need to come to terms with it quickly. Needing alone time isn't personal, and has nothing to do with how your partner feels about you. The sooner you get used to the idea of your partner as an individual who needs plenty of time to his or herself, the better off your relationship will be.
Hello Karen,
I like your blog, your post is very informative and helpful in real life.
I cannot blame those people who are craving for their partner's attention and time. But I agree that we should be considerate and mature about this.
Such things should be talked about to understand each other to solve this problem as soon as possible.
Thank you. :)