Repairing broken trust in a relationship can be very difficult. Many times the reason for the broken trust stems from infidelity or broken promises and these violations within a relationship can virtually destroy it. If you and your partner are committed to working through it though, you will find that your relationship can become stronger than ever.
Before any trust can be rebuilt you must address how and/or why it was broken in the first place. This is the time for brutal honesty. A complete confessional of how the trust was broken should only be done when you are both ready to hear it. Heartfelt apologies should be offered with indications of remorse and promises to not violate the trust again.
There is a massive amount of stress on your relationship once the trust has been broken. Reconciliation can happen first. This happens when both you and your partner make an agreement to work on the issues and rebuild the trust and the relationship. Reconciliation usually has to happen before forgiveness. It also indicates that you are invested in salvaging the relationship and not giving up on it. In many cases it will be up to the person that violated the trust to initiate reconciliation.
The most difficult task is then to forgive. It is never easy to forgive, but if you continue to hold on you will constantly live in a state of rage or anger. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you excuse abusive behavior. It does mean that you are able to work towards letting go of the past. Relationship experts suggest starting with forgiving your partner for their weakness. Your partner also needs to be ready to be forgiven and accept the consequences of their actions.
Sit down with your partner and reevaluate your goals. Remind each other what your priorities are and what unifies your life together. Sometimes a vocal or written commitment to the relationship is a good place to start. Try to avoid setting up conditions of forgiveness.
Getting outside help is strongly recommended. Make an appointment for the two of you to sit down with a relationship counselor. This should be a safe environment for both of you to be honest about how the trust has been damaged or lost. These counselors will have steps for you to go through that will help repair any damage, or in the worst cases, help you to safely walk away from each other.
She is not responding to my messages and calls. what should i do?
Alex,
Be patient...give her time..do it gently and don't overwhelm. You may be able to fix this, then maybe not, but you can't force the situation. She has to be open to hearing what you have to say. Be ready for that event, even if it never happens. Reherse the right words to say and know how you would treat her from now on. Let this be a life lesson. Respect and trust are the two critical points to any relationship, the building blocks and the pillars that hold it together.
Good luck,
Rachel
Dear IMP SOURCE,
I respond to people on this blog because I have gone through my own personal trauma with someone I once thought was my soul mate and found this source to be very helpful. I know how much it hurts and how much there is a need to communicate during that time. Many people don't have the funds to see a counselor, want to keep their feelings private from friends, and have no where to turn.
It is always nice to hear a positive coment about the post and with that I thank you. I have never written, expecting any compensation, but it would be nice to know if any of my advise ever works.
Rachel
Hey Ron,
Ive been dating my girlfriend for a little over 6 months now. We adore eachother alot, shes amazing, beautiful, and cares for me deeply. But, at the start of the relationship, she knew i was a smoker, and she said shed like if i stopped, so i did, for her. But, being addicted to nicotine, i found another way to contribute to my addiction, smokeless tobacco (nasty i know). But i started doing that, instead of smoking. Well, one night she was going to text her mom off my phone, and she went into the messages because she texted her mom off my phone about 2 days before. She said she was looking for her moms old messages and saw her exs name in there (i had him get smokeless tobacco for me). She immediately went to that message and read the text, and then asked me why i texted him, i said it was for a question about a car(it was actually about the smokeless tobacco) and she said she already read it. And was very upset that i lied to her. Its something small, yes. But, she said if i lie to her once, i can easily do it again. But im not going to. I know im not. Thats the only time ive lied to her. Ever. How do i show her that im not going to lie to her about anything ever again? I hate losnt peoples trust, it just crushes me. Especially from someone that cares about me soo deeply.
Hi Tim,
Of course you want to please your gf in every way you can. At first, it may have been easy for you to agree to stop smoking, however, you are dealing with an addiction. Any addiction, whether it is to drugs, sex, smoking etc. takes a hold of you. It is not to say that you are powerless, but your physical chemistry has been altered. You will require assistance and a lot of willpower to conquer it. The question is, do you really want to do this, or are you only doing it because you want to please your gf? If you are truly going to quit smoking, you will have to want it for yourself and want it badly. If you do it for your gf, resentment will build later and it will always be an issue and a promise you can't keep.
My advise to you is for you both to speak with a substance abuse counselor together and have him give you the details of what it will take for you to quit. It is possible, if your gf is a nonsmoker, that she doesn't know what you will have to go through and it will be important for her to know that so that she will be supportive and understanding of the process.
Sir,
i have a girlfriend and i love her very much,,,,,but they way she wants me ,,to treat her i am not able to do so,,,,for example... if she is sick i will give her the medicine instead of sitting beside her comforting her....
the main big problem is that i lied to her at times and the biggest lie was that i told her that i am very good at studies and i have recieved 9 out of 10 in my first sem. of engineering , i told her this lie 1.5 years ago,,,,i told this coz i dint want to loose her ,,,and i know she is right when she told me that i should'nt have lied her,,,,,,now she is highly pissed off and i know i am the culprit ,,,our relationship is near to its end,,,,i want to save it ,,,,,plzzz help me!!!!!
she says she need time and she will act before everyone so that no body else finds that our reltionship is not working ......she doesn't call me nor she accepts my call texts,,,
what should i do ?
Hi Amandeep,
I have a feeling that there is more to this than meets the eye. It appears that you have communication problems, but my gut tells me that there are other issues. I find it hard to believe that your gf wants to quit the relationship because you didn't tell her the absolute truth one and a half years ago. IF there is a deep connection between the two of you, that kind of misstep would be worked around. Without a full picture, I really can't give you any advise. Perhaps you could talk to a counselor, if your gf is game. He would know the questions to ask to get to the bottom of this.
Dear Tana,
Give me some more details.
Rachel