When I'm talking about this subject, I always feel like I'm treading over dangerous ground. Because I'm a girl who does like nice guys...and I know that other women want men to treat them decently, too. But here's something else that I think is true for most women: while we say that we want a nice guy to treat us like a princess and buy us flowers and worship us...we're kind of, well...lying. And most of us don't even realize it.
Every time I hear this famous Harry Belafonte song, it makes me think about the importance of looks in romance:
"If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you!"
I always wondered if Belafonte was married, and if so, what his wife thought of that particular ditty! Because it seems like there’s nothing in the world worse than being considered unattractive by the opposite sex. But is that actually true? Are looks really so important? Or does personality have a greater effect on attraction in the long run?
I think women the world over should send the creators of Sex in the City a few million thank-you notes. No, not for making women think that we should all be able to spend $600 on a pair of shoes (I’m certainly not!). But for introducing characters like Samantha Jones, who look at sex the way a man does: as something they have a right to want, that they shouldn’t for a second be ashamed of.
My last blog post was all about dumping a guy gently. Taking care of his ever-fragile ego and letting him down as easily as possible. Today is part two – dumping a girl while inflicting the smallest amount of pain possible. Being a girl myself, I’ve always thought that we ladies are more complicated than guys in this respect (and most others, come to think of it – but that’s an entirely different article). So the methods that work well with guys don’t work at all for girls...in fact, we generally want exactly the opposite.
Unless if you’ve got a cruel sense of humor, dumping somebody you’re dating isn’t a lot of fun. But even though you’re aching with guilt about wanting to break things off, you have to remember this: it’s your right to end a relationship. In fact, it’s your responsibility. If you’re not happy in a relationship (or don’t see yourself even having a relationship with this guy) you owe it to yourself to break it off and not look back. Sounds harsh, I know, but...that’s all there is to it.
All of us are passive aggressive sometimes -- even if we don’t want to admit it. There are just times in life when, though there’s something you don’t agree with (or something you don’t want to do), it’s just not worth it to come right out and say so. Sometimes you just want to take the easy road and avoid confrontation. Does your mother need to know how much you hate her corn casserole? Nah. You just push it around on your plate and pretend to eat it to keep the peace.
So you’ve gone on the required number of dates, explored each other physically, and established a real mental and emotional connection. The next step? You guessed it...it’s time to go exclusive. How exciting!
Most of the time, it’s pretty clear when you’re being asked out for a date. The guy or girl in question is pink-cheeked and nervous, and the situation makes it clear that this is about romance...not finding a new buddy who likes Star Wars as much as you do. But occasionally you can go out with somebody who either hasn’t made it clear whether or not this is a date...or, even worse, doesn’t seem to realize that you asked him or her out on a date instead of just a friendly outing.
Ever been in a relationship where, even though the physical side of things was great (hey, even mind-blowing), you just didn’t click with your partner on a non-physical level? Of course you have – we all have (haven’t we?). This is the kind of relationship that results from letting a physical attraction take its course...and ignoring the fact that there’s no real connection. And, hey, it’s a lot of fun. Even if it’s temporary.
Some things never change: women are always wondering when it’s the right time to get physical… and if today is “too soon”. And guys are always wondering just how to convince her that the right time was yesterday… so they’d better start getting caught up. But who’s right? When is it the right time?
