When two people are involved in a committed relationship, it doesn't take very long before all of the fun, dazzle, and romance begins to wear off. Once this happens, couples may discover that they have many differences and begin arguing and fighting. First, it should be stated that the feeling of "being in love" never lasts. This is a proven scientific fact. All of the hormones, forgetfulness, and constant thoughts of each other lasts roughly the first two years of being "in love". After that, reality sets in and people begin to see each other without the rose colored blinders – faults and all.
It may be tempting to take a break in your relationship if you have been seeing each other exclusively, and then begin arguing and quarreling frequently. However, before deciding that this is the best road to travel, you will need to take some things into consideration. The first area to consider is that once you and your partner take a break, either one of you may decide to end the relationship. This is a serious reality and one that you should really consider before agreeing to take a break. However, most people agree that when one party feels that it is time to take a break, they have already been contemplating ending the relationship. So, with that in mind, if you absolutely do not want to end your relationship, you may want to discuss other options with your partner.
Before agreeing to take time off of your relationship, you may want to suggest seeing a counselor. A counselor can help you work through the issues that you are facing and can provide greater results than you can achieve by taking a break.
You should also realize that if you and your partner have unresolved issues, taking a break from your relationship would not solve them. If you have been fighting frequently, and want to take a break, when you get back together your problems will still be there. This is another reason why seeing a counselor is more advantageous than taking a break. If your relationship is to grow stronger and thrive, it is better to take care of the issues that are causing strain and disagreement, rather than avoiding them.
Sometimes, the idea of taking a break from a relationship seems like the best solution, however it may just be a way of running away from the real issues at hand. It should also be considered that the fact that you want to take a break might be a warning sign that your relationship has reached its end.
Finally, there is truth to the statement that separation makes the heart grow fonder. If you have tried counseling, and continue to fight, and aren't sure if you should end your relationship or not, you may want to agree to take a break. If you find that your heart is longing for the other person and you both agree to reunite, your relationship may be stronger than it ever was before. However, you should both be prepared for the possibility that your break may be the first step to the end of your relationship.
Hi!
I've been dating my bf for over 3 years and lately, I have not been happy. I've had a rough month-lost two important people in my life- and now, I feel like I'm losing him. Within the past few months, he has decided to move about 8 hours away. I'm in grad school and can't move for another 4 years. His decision to move has made me angry at him and has made me feel insecure. I know that moving will open more doors for him and is in his best interest, but I don't want to lose him(He has promised to fly me twice a month to visit him). Any ways, I've been down when I'm around him and he finally had enough of my texting/clinginess and told me he was done. I suggested lets take a break and have no contact for a few days and he said deal. I know he has guilt about moving and when I'm down, it's like he can't handle the stress. He has told me over and over how much he loves me, but I continue to complain about his moving. Within the past week, he slowed down on texting me and saying I love you. He has barely kissed me and ignored me almost all one day and isn't making time for me. I feel like it's both of our faults that we aren't doing well. We have had breaks in the past, but I want this to be the last break. How do I salvage this relationship?
Hello everyone,
I love this woman, whom I have been with the past 3 years....
Here is my story....
I love her I do, and I see a future with her, but lately I feel as though we met early, and we would have been better for one another if we were both established better in our own lives....
I'm debating on whether to give it a break or continue to fight through and these are my reasons....
We are in our mid 20s and we have a long distance relationship, 6 hour difference, we talk everyday and things started wonderful, but the past four months have been hard....
I have finished school years ago, she is still in school, neither one of us is employed and she is not the most emotionally connected person, she loves me an there isn't a doubt, but this lack of emotions from her and the distance has taken a toll, she has tried...we have been fighting lately more and more because I feel I'm doing everything I can but sometimes I just don't know if we are moving in the same direction....
I have flirted with other women as well which I never do and it's partially due to her cold demeanor, sadly we both talked about it and I feel she is trying her best, and honestly we want to stay together and get married and the whole nine....
But I've been depressed because I have no income anymore, I can't even support her, we both don't work, and we are far and I am just starting to have doubts and wonder if a break will do us wonders....
If anyone has any advice I am looking forward to hearing from you
Hi there!
I'm 19 and my GF is 18 and we've been going out for 2.5 years. Shes's currently in a university while i'm in a community college. We're only 30mins apart. The first 2 years, as usual, were fantastic. Throughout those years we instantly became comfortable with one another and eventually were able to act as our true and very goofy selfs. She completely understood and accepted my interests and the same was with her. To put it simply, we fell in love. The relationship we have with each other is so unprecedented that it can't be mimiced with anyone else...mainly because they would think we were too damn playful and goofy. Back in January, she began to feel more sad than she usualy did and didn't know why. She suggested that it was her and maybe we needed a break. We both broke down..and after talking for a bit..decided not to go on break. Now we're in April...and it came up again. She finally told me how she was feeling and said that she felt that she was "progressing and moving forward and I was just stoic". She thought that we could use this time to "find ourselves and see where we are going". I was incredibly hurt by this..but she wasn't lying. I could've done more to get into a university faster..it was just that I was paralyzed by the fact that i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life..or if i was smart enough to do the career of my choice( I was considering comp sci.). Now we're on a one month "break"...we still get to see each other, text and call..just sparingly.. like if she invites me over for dinner one night, I can only stay for dinner then leave, unlike the usual, where we would eat, then watch movies and relax together. Then she said after the break, try not to be with each other as much so we wont be as clingy as before. She says that she loves me dearly and no one has ever treated her with as much respect and love as I. I'm afraid that we're going drift apart by not seeing each other as often and we'll eventually break up.. I guess it's just me being paranoid..but still. Can anyone give me advice?
Me and my boyfriend aren't doing so well every time I wanna go somewhere or do something he always tells me no but if I were to say no to whatever he want to do he would either get made a me or do what he wants anyway whether I'm with him or not. He also has anger management problems, when he gets mad at the world he takes out on me. He doesn't hit me or anything he just shows up with a bad attitude. So now we are taking a break because he has this mentality that he can do what he wants when he wants cause he knows he can get away with it! So I finally put my foot down and said ur not gonna get away with mistreating me anymore and I'm taking a break from now until the end of May! He doesn't like my decision but because I love him so much I think its for the best. Any advise?!?
I have been dating my boyfriend of 7 months , and have decided to call time for a 3 week period. Theres been a number of problems , main one being my boyfriend has drawn a wall up and will not let me into his life whether it be visiting his house, meeting his friends, meeting his son from a previous relationship or meeting his family. Speaking to his friends they tell me the reason for his behaviour is due to his last relationship to the mother of his boy ending badly and he has never got over it. I love my boyfriend very much and really thought i found someone i could be happy with , but is this break for 3 weeks the right course of action ?i have so many opposing opinions i am very confused , any advice would be greatly recieved , yours hopefully paula x
Sent from my phone so i apologise for errors
Dear Paula,
It's a little early to be considering a break isn't it? What is the relationship like on the whole?
I only ask because it sounds like he may not be completely over his ex like his friends suggest or he would be more willing to involve you in all aspects of his life. I'm no expert, i freely admit, but I have been in a situation where ex related issues have ruined the next relationship. Maybe just give him the time he needs and see where you stand after it.... if he is still not sharing his whole life with you then maybe there is something he is hiding?
I'm sorry this is not more.positive and I'm sure everything will work out best but why do you think he won't let you in?
Peter
X
Me and my boyfriend had been together for a year when his dad suddenly committed suicide in my boyfriends bedroom. I was there the moment he called me and was there for him for everything. I moved him and his mother into my house with me and my parents so that they wouldnt have to be in the house so suddenly after it happened. My boyfriend began having terrible anger issues, anxiety, and depression. He was extremely dependent on me and if i wasnt 100% that day he would be angry. I tried to do everything i could for him but nothing made him happy. Him and his mom moved back into the house and now he's telling me he wants to take a break to work on himself and find himself again. This break is hard for me because I want to be with him so badly and i am afraid he will decide not to continue our relationship. Do you think this break will help our relationship or its just delaying the inevitable of breaking up? Please Help.
My boyfriend and i met 2 years ago. It was instant attractiion and we have been talking ever since then. I admit that the first year and half of the relationship i took him for granted. We would be on and off all the time but i always found myself going back to him because i really did care for him. January came and i realized that i did want to be with him and i loved him very much. Everything has been going great up until 2 months ago, fighting non stop. He told me a couple days ago we should be on a break to have time to ourselves and go out with our friends and have a good time. We talked 2 days ago and i agreed on the break but i told him i was scared that he wasnt going to come back and i was scared to lose him. he told me i wasnt going to lose him so i said just talk to me when youre ready and he said he would and that he loves me. Im still scared that his feelings are going to change, and when we do talk its going to be to break up for good. What should i think of this? i cry everyday and i hope he calls but doesnt. Will i lose him even though he said i wasnt going to? help. :(
Dear Paula or Samantha,
Me and my girlfriend went on a break a couple of days ago after being together for 1 1/2. She said she needs time to feel happy again and that our relationship makes her unhappy because we have been fighting a lot. We moved in together basically off the get go and now have our own places. I became really insecure and was always questioning her and being jealous. I understand why this happened and I wish I could go back in time and change it but I can't. This is my first day not texting her since she was getting mad because I wasn't giving her the space she wanted. She still txts me back and says she loves me but needs to find her happiness. The relationship was amazing and also was really bad. She has never been treated so great in her life by a guy and knows I would do anything and everything for her. It is just so hard moving into a new place and the feeling of emptiness. Do I just wait till she contacts me now?
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. When he is with me I love him so much, but when he isn't I constantly get mad at him and feel like I dont love him. I really want to love him and I want to stay with him forever. He loves me so much and would never hurt me. His life isn't really the best and he says I'm the only thing that makes it good. I've broke up with him before but it never lasts (5 hours max.). After the break ups we don't fight for a couple days then its the same thing. I have recently thought about taking a break. I dont know what to do. Help :(
P.S. I also sort of miss the whole beginning of a relationship butterflies.
Hey Natalie,
You can get what you once had before and feel the butterflies again. He needs to find himself and be the person you fell in love with. He doesn't need to become another person. Hang on to the good guy and talk about your problems and fix them, don't just talk do it. If you don't fix or at least try you might regret it. Do you live with him or you guys have your own place?
My gf and i have been together for around 2 1/2 years. For the last few months we have been in a long distance relationship. My gf went recently went to a party, and drank very very much, after not drinking for a long time, during the night she did dirty dancing with another guy and ended up spooning with him. From this she as talked to me and said that she still loves me but doesn't feel in love with me. She said that for the last few weeks she had felt she had grown apart, without really noticing, and that what she did made her realise her feelings. I am not much of a partier, and she is a bit, so we agree that this might be something to do with it, but besides that she doesn't know what the problem is. but wants to try not being tied down, and take a break. I am extremely scared she will forget me, but don't want her to be un happy. So the best thing to do is to let her have her time, as hard as it is. But i shouldnt give up hope that she may come back?
This is going to sound a little dumb, I met someone at work and things have been fun. I love how I get butterflies when I see them and after three dates things really bloomed.
but all of a sudden I feel I need space and I am scared because of memories from previous loves, what should I do?
HI, so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years almost. A couple months ago i found out something that he hid from me so i wouldnt be hurt and upset, but it upset me more that he didnt just tell me. I kept it in for a good two months and let it eat me away. I got really emotional about stupid little things and got jeleous when he would go and hangout with his guy friends. The littlest things got me so mad. I wouldnt say we were FIGHTING really bad just argumenting alot. I didnt bring it up to him till last week and i think i was too late because he cant deal with it anymore because he thought it was for no reason and he thought it was something he was doing that was causing this to happen to our relationship. We decided to take a break on friday and we have not talked since, im just nervous i want him back i miss him so much :(
my girlfriends ex has got back in contact with her and told her she cannot move on in her life as she is in love with her...they have been messaging for 2 weeks and have now arranged to meet up for dinner... knowing how much this hurts me..my girlfriend has asked for a break..but also is saying this is the end...as while her ex is in her life she cant concentrate on our relationship... we have been together for a year...the one downfall i live in englad she is in australia.. i fly out again in 5 weeks to see her apparently...im lost hurt broken i dont know what to do :(
So my girlfriend and I have been talking for about 4 months and i can honestly say that i truly love the girl and want to be with nobody else. I had been in a relationship prior to this one where i was pretty much strung along so i was very hesitant to let my guard down around this girl. She tells me one day that "she wants to spend every second of every day with me" which is the day i decided to let my guard down. anywayy May rolls around, she goes home for college and a week into it decides she wants a break. She never really gives me a legit reason why depite how much i begged for an answer, all she has ever emphasized is that she doesn't know what she wants. a month later she comes back for work and stays Friday and Saturday with me, and everything is perfect, but when she leaves she's real short w me again. 2 weeks go by without us talking and I txt her to tell her I miss her. She comes again and doesn't really make an attempt to c me and so I tell her that it pissed me off and tell her one last time how much I care about her and that I'm going to disappear for a while so she can c how life without me is so she can decide for herself if that's what she really wants. It's 47 days until she comes home. I love this girl so much and am just very confused and hurt , but still find myself waiting cause I care that much. Anyway , any advice would b appreciated. Mind u, she's turning 20 this yr. , I'm turning 24.
I'm sad. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We were friends for a year before that. We have been living together for about a year, but he works in San Fran and has to stay there during the week. It's only about 3 hours away, but we were still only seeing each other on the weekends. It was getting stressful and lonely for both of us and he finally cracked. He had a breakdown of sorts and couldn't handle the travelling back and forth and ended things. I was shocked. Well, a few days later, he came crawling back. Asking for me to forgive him and wanted to work things out. I told him I needed some time, but was angry. Now, he's gone completely MIA. He won't get back to me, or return my calls. He did text to say he missed me, but hasn't made any real efforts to win me back. Now I'm worried he's convincing himself to end things with me. Or maybe he just needs space to think things out? But, shouldn't he be working to win me back?
Brooke --
I think what you have to do, as I have done, is concentrate on yourself right now. "Date" yourself if you will. Find happiness and know that you can survive without him. Men aren't attracted to desperation and if he sees you fulfilling your life, this will attract him back to you.
I have been watching The Secret dvd. I know, I know...it all seems so silly, but it works. The power of positive thinking. Negative thoughts attract negative actions. Thinking he won't come back or doesn't want to be with you will only keep him away. Best of luck. You're not alone!
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost three years, last year i discovered last year that he was cheating on me, me and my boyfriend come from different countries, the girl he was cheating with was from his country..i dont know if he was cheating on me or her coz according to her they have been together since 2006. she came to our college 2009, and my boyfriend was lying about her calling her different names each time i saw them together..only one day he called her baby in front of me then said her name is Babel. the complication is that he got me pregnant twice and i lost both babies, he tries to convience me that he really loves me and he wants to do right by me and he is sorry to have caused me so much pain. Since i have finished college and moved back to my country, he begged me to take him back and i did, then i leant from a friend that he was staying with the same girl, which he did not deny since lately he has been having major financial issues...i love him, but i know he doesnt make me happy anymore and i really don't want a future with him coz he has put me through shit..so i broke up with him, but he is determined to make things work, he even wrote a letter to my mum telling her that he loves me and wants to marry me, and sorry about the pain he put me through...i decided to tell him to take a break from each other so i can think about it
My boyfriend and I started talking before we both went to the same college ( we met at orientation). We have been dating for four years in September. He just took a job in Alaksa for an 8 month contract. This job is on a ship, and he will not have internet access/cellphone ect execpt for when he is on land. He told me he wants to take a break from our relationship because this job of job isn't great for a relationship. He also wants to break because he isn't sure what he wants from me. He knows he loves me, but he only knows that the love is more then a friend he doesn't know if he can spend the rest of his life with me. Is 8 months to long for a break? I really don't want to break up because I know my feelings for him are true and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I'm not sure where these 8 months are going to bring us. I'm afraid that because there is limited contact that he will move on from me. Any advie would be appericated.
My bofriend and i hav been goin out for a year and nine months.he told m that sixdays ago he startded doubting his loe or me and that hes ben really sad and depressed lately,he thinks is lack of sleep thats affecting him.he said he kept asking himself if he really wants to be with me and this hurt me a lot, i didn't know how to take it so two days after this we saw each other and i told him that maybe he should take a break from the relationship, as soon as i said it i regretted it. at first he didnt want to but then finally agreed that maybe thats what he needs, its been four days since the break and im slowly dying because it makes me feel like he really doent love me anymore since he was the one who didnt want a break butnow is taking his time. i feel like calling hi and telling him i can't do this anymore, that i rather us break up and not be in this misery. What do you think i shold do because i've been so depresed, the only thing i do is sleep and i never feel like eating anymore. Thanks in advance.
Me and my boyfriend of a year have this great relationship. Ive been hurt bad by men in the past and i had a hard time trusting him. Then he decdied after his 21rst birthday that i needed to trust him or not. I did and now here we are telling me wants a break because i drive him crazy and my b.s is getting old. He said hes just needs space and that he still loves me but he needs time for himself. But it really hurt me. It just seems like he doesnt really care and he said this break is his last resort. I hope this will work but i gave up so much for him. I lost all my friends, i ignore my family my world revolves around him. I thought he was taking a big step in our relationship when he bought me a kitten for my birthday. This is mostly my fault. I got mad at him because he refused to walk me home from an event one night and he just stayed with his friends. I got upset and this set him off. ( His friend decided to ditch him two hours before they were supposed to go on a trip.) Im a loving person. I trust him, i love him and i take good care of him. and he has decided that he needs this time for myself and that he wants me to work on my issues and that he will see me when this break is over My issues are i am to needy and overbearing and that i need to give him more space.I miss him terribly and i just cant imagine my life without him at all. Hes a man of his word but im just so depressed by this. I dont know what to do and i really neeed this advice. We just took a break. But im still allowed to go over whenever and see my kitten. Is this a good thing or bad thing? And i get jealous of him when he goes out with his friends.I hate myself for this. I hope he comes back crawling because i miss him so much:(
I am simply confused with my situation straight out…..
I've been dating this guy for almost 5 months. I would have to say it was very apparent we enjoyed each others company. In those 5 months we never argued once but rather laughed the entire time. When we're together he's totally into me.. Introduced me to his mom first month of dating, takes me on vacations, treats me with respect, basically he cared to always make it perfect for me when I never asked him for anything. However, few months into the relationship I wanted to see where we were at in terms of commitment (dating other people etc..) well he ignored my conversation and made things into a joke. I just figured he just wasn't ready for this conversation. Then 2 weeks ago he just decides on this break... which I laughed thinking it was a joke since our schedules haven't allowed us to see each other much lately anyways. Well during those two weeks I texted him a few times and called him once because I was still confused why I haven’t heard from him (again, I thought this break was a joke since he laughed saying it and we laugh and joke a lot). Well he called me exactly 2 weeks to the day after ZERO contact for 2 weeks.... when I asked him about this break he said "we agreed" I said "no you agreed". His response was "we both had alot going on" well yes we did but nothing new with us. WE had no fights, arguments etc.. maybe that’s why I was beside myself with all this.
I am pretty disappointed and decided maybe he needs a longer break since i feel he wasn’t being totally honest of WHY this break even happened. So on that note just wondering if anyone can shed some light here. I haven't called him back since he called me 2 days ago. Not sure I even care too even though I thought he really was MR. RIGHT. I am hurt and very angry. Why should I contact him? He’s the one that sounds like he needs time or maybe this was the precursor to a break up but way did he even bother calling me back?????
Me and my girlfriend just ended up having a break that started today. But she asked me it on Monday. 5 days after our 9 months. We had a lot of memories together. Fun ones, sad ones, some that one liked but the other didnt like. She told me we were moving too fast, things are too quick. But she still held on tight on me and we lasted 9 months and 5 days so far. She granted me these 4 days because I told her to. Because I asked if we can start the break on Friday. If I can leave you alone once friday reaches us. She asked for a break because she said her feelings for me are fading. That she considers me more like a friend these days. She stated out that it began a month ago. But a month ago, we went to Toronto with lots of friends, she were still really attached to me, close to me, needing me. She came to me on her own, held tight to me. We talked, laughed and others. Then there's the days we spent together after her summer school. I can see she was happy. It wasn't even a month ago. Then the hang out we had. I don't get it. Can you help me out? I don't want to lose her. I had several discussion with her. Somes that she didn't want but I insisted to have with her. Today, I asked again, do you still love me a little? because she told me that she still does love me the day she asked for a break, just that it's fading. The answer was, less than monday. Do you think our break will bring us back together or seperate us apart? Do you think she'll come back to me? I would like to have your help. Because I don't want to lose her. I love her. Please help.
Hey There,
My boyfriend and I have been together for three and a half years and I am certain he is the love of my life. About six months ago we started arguing a lot and we both decided that we needed a break from the relationship. I wanted to get back together after a day and I was nevertheless devastated when it took him eleven days to finally decide he can't live without me. Well things started going well and we were very good again. Then two months later he started to have a lot of problems with his family and sank into a deep depression. He lost interest in me very fast and I felt so unloved. Nothing I did or said helped at all and he said he didn't know how he felt about us anymore. As the months went on, I continued to get very frustrated. There were a lot of good times mixed in there which is why I know we lasted.
However three weeks ago when we were talking he told me that he needs space and time to figure himself out. I begged and pleaded with him not to leave me. He said he loves me a lot and hopes he can be with me, but he doesn't want me to drive myself crazy waiting for me and he doesn not want to lead me on. He admitted to feeling numb the last few months and that this break/break-up is the only solution he could think of.
This past week the break became an actual break-up. I had given him his space but I was going crazy. He told me to move on for now as he still trying to figure out a lot in his life. I know that he has already made a lot of positive changes and it just hurts so much that he is keeping me on the outside.
My initial fear is that he would find someone else in the meantime, and I am not so afraid of that now as I really do believe he is severely depressed and dealing with issues. I've been trying to keep busy and focus on myself but it is very very painful.
I've been dating a wonderful girl for 4 years. recently in the past 3 or 4 weeks it feels like she hasn't all been there. in texts she doesn use smileys and replys in as little words as possible,when she talks to friends she laughes and has a much better time with them than she doesn with me. shes the type of girl that doesn't take crud from nobody, you tell her she need to do thedishes and she wont touch em, somebody tells hershes got bad hair well she'll wig out and unleash a torrent of curse words ands other things in that nature. I love this girl to death but lately it just feels one sided. I periodicly tell her I love her and want to be with her.
A few times I have brought up how I feel and confronted her about it. A few days ago I felt really depressed and looked at how she's been acting, and in the back of my head I wanted to break up with her, of course I love her but whenever I look at how she treats me and her friends its totally different, I i recently told her that I kind of wanted to break up but I told my self that I wasnt going to give up on her/ shes my life ad the sunshine of my day.
just yesterday she told me that she couldnt help me anymore, that I never have my act together, or that im becoming obsessed with her. I know I do text her a lot but I wouldnt say I'm obsessed. she also told me she cant handle the fact that I thought about breaking up with her. she never ansers her cell anymore due to the fact that shes waiting for job interveiws and such.
today shes only replied to one of my texts. I dont know weather or not to just let her be for today for keep my attitude positive and keep trying on texting her. shes told me she feels something wrong but she doesnt know what.
I dont want to lose her
but I just cant stand it that this relationship feels so one sided now...
I recently lost a great love in my life. As many have said before me on here, there have been ups and downs. This relationship is complicated and messy. I have dated this guy for a few years and as of Tuesday, he texted me "we gotta talk". Ok, this can't be good. So he wants a break and I get upset. He doesn't state a reason. I say a few things out of fear and anger for lack of reason. He makes changes on his social sites without notifying me. I told him that I don't understand why he is doing this. He asks me "why can't I just accept his little break"? I proceed to tell him that this break is running away from something. Because of our history, this almost seems normal for him to do this.
My issue is that I have an awesome 2-year-old that adores him and unfortunately calls him "Dad". He was with me since I was 5 months pregnant. My son misses him and I miss him. I have no clue what is going on with him. He doesnt live with me, so I cant find out. He refuses my calls and has even accused me of having someone else, which is very untrue. I have since stopped tryng to contact him and I have started the grieving process..again.
I wouldn be so miffed, if I knew how he felt towards me. No defintion of loving me or not, just stone-cold silence. I wanted to marry this guy and have a future with him. He proclaimed a few months back, while he was away, that he wanted the same ting. I asked him to please come home and say those things. He made comments, but no commitment. This is a horrible pattern that I want to stop. Im ok with being alone. He isnt and Im worried that he will find someone and parade them around, to hurt me even more, as he thinks I have someone.
I believe that I need to step back and cut my ties with him, for good. If not for my sake, then for my son, who I cant bear to watch get hurt anymore.
Hello, me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. Lately I have seen him so depressed over nothing. I recently found out that its all about him wanting to be alone and have freedom. We are only 20 and got together at 18 so we have never experienced life single. He wants to go to certain schools and i dont so he stays with me but underneath it all, it depresses him. Its like im holding him back. I know he loves me and wants to be with me the rest of his life but just not now. We will still live with each other and be best friends, just have more freedom without feeling guilty. I love him and know that one day we will be together again forever when we are ready. I know i wont lose him. Another man isnt the thing on his mind. Its much more than that. So its sad at first for both of us, but we know its for the best if we really do want to spend the rest of our lives together.
Hello everyone! I've been reading your stories these days, since I was going through the exact same thing with my boyfriend. I wanted to share mine with you guys because our 'break' ended today, and since everybody here wants to hear some post-break stories to find out whether it really works or not, here's mine :) My boyfriend of 2 years and 3 months (we're both in our mid 20's) asked for a break 3 days ago, since we had been arguing a lot (over stupid things) in the last months, so he needed space to think whether he wanted to stay in the relationship or leave for good. I didn't like the idea of taking a 'break', but since I loved him, I decided to give him as much space to think as he wished. Honestly, it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. Day 1 was horrible, just the thought of losing him and being unable to contact him. Day 2 was really bad too, with lots of crying, feeling empty, etc. I must admit that the break allowed me to have some thinking too. I really thought he wouldn't call until day 7 or so, but he called on day 3 saying that he wanted us to talk in person, that I souldn't be scared cos he had some good news to tell me, that he missed me and wanted to give our relationship another try. He drove to my place right away and waited for me downstairs, where he gave me a massive hug and a kiss :) So guys....THERE IS HOPE!! My boyfriend said that the break (though a short one) helped him decide what he wanted and also that he missed me wanted to keep being my boyfriend. I really wish you all there the best of luck. So, sometimes a break is the answer, cos IT WORKS!! :) thanks for reading.
My bf of only a month asked me for a break, but he didnt tell me how long, or what the rules are. I have been crying all the time.I feel like everything is falling apart.
It means its over he dont have the balls to tell you straight up. Move on. He wants to explore other options. Ive been there taking a break isnt always for the good.
he says he loves me and still calls me by the nickname he gave me, its all so confusing
I've been in a relationship for about 4.5 years. It' s been a long distant relationship for the last 2 years because my partner and I weren'nt able to find work in the same city. But we still saw each other about once per month, sometimes more, and we speak on the phone or over Skype every day. I was planning on moving to her city in about two more months. But she told me today that she doesn't think she can commit to me enough for me to move, and that if I move, she's afraid things are going to go bad really fast.
I was completely floored to hear this. I thought things were going really well. We hardly ever argue or fight, and we have so much fun together. Just last month she surprised me by having fancy hand crafted chocolates delivered to my office. She sends me cards and postcards all the time telling me how much she loves me and misses me.
I asked her what went wrong, and she says she doesn't know. She says she loves me, but that something doesn't feel right. I don't understand it at all. I asked her if she wants to break up, and she said not yet, she wants to see if things can work, but that she doesn't think she will ever want to marry me. She asked if it would be possible to "take a break." I don't know what that means. I think it would just be "Breaking up, phase I."
I want to tell her to just rip the band-aide off fast, but I know I don't really mean it. If there's any chance that she would change her mind, I want that chance. I'm afraid of making things too hard for her to break up with me, and then I just get strung along because she can't finish the deed. I'm also afraid of rolling over and giving up too quickly. But she can't tell me what's wrong.
Ack. I feel like my world is breaking apart.
I do believe that taking a break can be helpful especially if nothing else seems to work.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. I broke up with him a year ago and we got back together after one weekend. He moved out and we've been living apart ever since. It has been hard and things between us haven't been the same, but ultimately I thought that things were ok between us and that he was happy. I struggle with anxiety and because of this I don't support him as much as I can by attending get togethers with his friends or even being friendly with them. He has family issues and never attends any of my family gatherings etc. Everytime things get hard between us and its because of these issues, I always promise to change but I guess I never really have. I might try for a day or two but then things between us seem fine again and I just stop trying to get better. Lastnight he told me that we should take a break. I feel tired and shocked. I don't know what to do. I'm scared that he'll realise he's better off wthout me. He said that he's never loved anyone else as much as he loves me and that he still does love me but we both need to work on ourselves and our issues before moving on. I guess he's right. I just always thought that we'd do it together. Never saw this break coming at all..
Ok, so here is my update status. My partner and I have sorted everything out and we are back together again. What I neglected to mention was that we also broke up abut a year ago, and I guess that we never properly healed. We talked through all of our issues and know that we are both on the same page and both need to make changes. It was so hard. Day 1 and Day 2 I was just constantly crying and then the days after that I tried my best to be positive about the situation. I really wanted to contact him, but I held back and gave him the chance to contact me. A part of me wanted to convince him why we should still be together but then I let go and realised that he either knows or he doesn’t- I don’t need to convince him.
So yay, he contacted me and I am so happy and grateful that we are back together. One of our issues was that I only really saw him on the weekend, so I have just moved into a one bedroom unit just around the corner from his so we see eachother virtually everyday. We have a dog together, and I pick her up for a walk in the afternoon and he comes too. I am also getting consistent help with my anxiety and I have been attending all of his social gatherings and have made some good friends too. In addition, he has also been attending all of my family gatherings. It has been awkward but that is understandable because this is the first time in our relationship that we’ve realy done it all. So my advice is to all of you out there is that if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be and if your partner asks for a break, even though it’s really hard, give them space because that’s all they need. xo.
Okay so I really need some advice. I'm 18 right now and my girlfriend is 17, we've been dating for over 2 years. She had had one serious relationship before ours, and I had had many flings prior to meeting her. Over the course of our two years together, we have managed to remain faithful. I am not controlling over her aside from the fact that I don't let her hang out with other guys 1 on 1, but she would never do that anyway. The first year of our relationship was amazing, we never fought once. Then it started to get worse, and we started fighting almost every day. She has been having horrible family issues and even calls me yelling crying over it. Also, her social life provides so many problems for our relationship because almost every day she is in a huge fight with one of her friends. While I always talk to her and help her through it all, I'm beginning to not be able to take it. This is because I honestly never have these problems, my whole family gets along very well and never fights, and I have a great group of friends. Also, I find myself wondering if I want to be with her through college, since I spent more than half of high school with her. Sometimes I talk to her about this, but as soon as I am away from my friends or drunk, I can't stop thinking about her and get really lonely. She's completely obsessed with me, almost a little too obsessed. This isn't to say that I am not a little obsessed with her to, but I know that I definitely can restrain myself. She gives so much for me that it affects her relationship with her friends. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever met, treats me perfectly, and loves me to death. But with college coming up and the stress of her family and social issues constantly hovering over me, I often find myself too stressed out with he relationship and wonder if this doubtful feelings I'm having will worsen with time or get better? I also find myself being curious of single life, having other relationships, even though I would never cheat on her. I don't know if I can continue to let our relationship affect her life the way it does, and am not sure that I can let it be the roots of y life either, but at the same time she's my best friend and the thought of losing her kills me. I feel as if I need to end things, because I'm so young and have so many things left to experience, maybe a break would be good? But she couldn't handle a break I don't think. Please help I need some good advice, am I dealing with problems that are but minor relationship issues for everyone or are my feelings justified? - Sincereley, Young and Madly Overwhelmed With Love？
Hello,
So my boyfriend and I had been dating for 4 years, we started dating when we were sophomores in high school and we are both 19 right now. 2 months ago he decided he wanted to take a "Break" but i told him i didnt believed it breaks so he ended up breaking up with me. he said "I'm very confused and I want to know what its like to be single"....of course I was really sad and still am because I love him so much and he was pretty much my first boyfriend, my first everything.
He is in college right now living 2 hours away. I have a feeling he broke up with me for someone else but he keeps telling me that he's not talking to anyone and is still single.
We had a really good relationship we were eachothers best friends, we never really got into arguments pretty much we were always happy with eachother, till he decided to go on a break out of the blue.
I know he loves me but i dont know what is going on. Every time he comes in town he wants to see but always gives me random excuses like hey are you home i something to give you or something like that.... I dont know if he really misses or is just trying to mess with my feelings.
I need advice!!!!
Hi,
I begin by saying I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years since we we're in middle school so as you can see he is my first love. We've been through a lot together but recently he told me he wanted time and a break to figure out if the love he felt for me was true or was just a habit of being so long in a relationship. He also Said he felt Monotony in the relationship which I can understand being that we've together for so long, I know that the sparks of the first year don't last forever. I don't know what to do I'm heart broken, I too was told that he wanted to marry me when he came back and take the relationship to the next level and know all that has disappeared, I don't know what happened? Everything seemed to be fine no fights or nothing, he even said that he was happy and that everything was ok so I don't understand out the blue he asks for a break. Please help me interpret what this mean, I'm destroyed.
So me and my girlfriend have been dating for over four years and were each others first everything's. We love each other deeply but recently I have been noticing a little change in her. We have talked about how she isn't sure if I am the one for her because she doesn't know anything else. So yesterday she finally decided that she wanted a break to figure out who she is and experience the single life. I care for this girl so much an it kills me to know that she is having doubts. I want to try and do what I can but I realize that that's not really doing anything and just let her do her own thing.. Any advice for a lost soul?
Hi everyone. About a months ago I too was on this site looking for some hope . I will share my story. I apologize if it hurts anyone. They say to agree with the break and give them all the space they want plus extra space. Disappear! Thats exactly what you should do. I stuck around and texted her about once a week. And confessed my love and asked her for another chance and that we would be ok if we only worked on it a little. I did not text or hound all day everyday or beg everyday except the time I told her we should work on it. She eventually started ignoring my text to the point where we are now broken up and have not seen or spoken to her for 3 months. She even ignored me when I asked for The ring for my belongings back. Furniture, tools etc. Up until this week when she replied " come get you stuff Wednesday at 12" we were together for 5 years. Engaged for 1, Baught a house together. She is 32 I am 29. Sorry for the ramble but needed to vent a little. So my advice is give her all the space she wants plus extra she doesn't want. Agree to the break, say she's right and you have been thinking about it also for some time. Then disappear and do your own thing. If you stay around she will use you to get over you. She will gradually get use to you not being around. Mine did. We never fought or really argued. I had a tough time communicatingy feelings so that's why we ended. Never unfaithful on either side and never had any trust issues. She might have a new bloke now idk but that wasn't the cause of the break. This post might seem random and unhelpful but it's my sad story. Still sad and still hoping to one day win her back. The more you persue her the more she will leave you. I hope it works out for you. Do not push her further away by being to much there.
okay i have been with my boyfriend for two years in january. my problems are that he doesn't text or call much anymore. he claims since we hangout through the week multiple times we dont need to text and talk. it makes me feel like he doesnt care but i confront him and always says we hangout so we dont need to text. another thing is that he is friends with my brother and i think they have more fun together then when i do when im with him. he also thinks that i text and call way too much and that im keeping tabs on him. but im not i just want to be with him. also he said that hes going to the airforce in july and since he has told me ive been depressed and im making my relationship a downward spiral. so were taking a break this week. like the kind of break where we are still faithfull and still a couple we just cut out all communication and seeing eachother for this week till xmas. does anyone have advice for me so that i can take this time to improve. i think we both need time to miss each other and i need to stop worrying about him leaving for the airforce.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years an we live together. Recently I feel like we're just going through the motions and aren't really appreciating each other like we used to. I honestly love him, but its hard when things aren't as "exciting" as they used to be. We used to be excited to see each other after work/class but now it's just the same routine everyday. Wake up, go to work/class, come home gym and then bed..we used to talk about day, cook together, have movie night/date night, or just go out with friends.. Now we're always home and we barely talk to each other unless we're arguing. I want to marry him but recently I've just been picking out every flaw I can find to tell myself otherwise. I don't know what to do anymore.. I'm afraid of trying to take a break or ending it because what if I mess up....?
Ok, so this is kind of long, but my girlfriend said she wants to take a break after a year of dating. I don't know what to do. It could be a couple months, it could be a couple years. The question now is, do I wait?
I want to wait, I really do. But how long should I wait? Is 4 months enough time to wait? Is 2 years too long? I really don't know what I'm supposed to do. Everyone has a different opinion. Her bestfriend told me it's probably not worth waiting because it's going to take too long. Another friend said wait four months and see where it goes from there. But I don't know if I'll stop there. I want to wait as long as I possibly can and that's my plan. I think that is the best thing to do, or at least I hope it is. And how do I know she won't forget about me?
The relationship we have is long distance and we don't get to see each other all that often, maybe once every couple of months for a week, or sometimes just a weekend. Another problem arises from this situation. We've talked about it a lot, and we almost came to the conclusion that once I got a job and my own place, she would move down here and we would live together. But now she doesn't want to. At least not now. Maybe after she takes this time to herslef that she needs she might change her mind. But there's no telling what the future will bring. I hope she'll change her mind and that eventually she will be ok with moving here. I would move there in a heartbeat. But there's no sense in doing that because the economy in Michigan sucks, it's going to be impossible to get a job, and on top of all that, I'll need to re-get my teaching certification because I'll be in a different state.
Now one thing I think would be awesome, is if maybe 3 or 4 years down the road we've both settled down enough to where I have a job and an apartment, and she's finished school, maybe we can pick things up again there. That is, if I'm still single. She's already said she's going to wait for me and she wants to get back together with me. It's up to me if I can wait that long. I think that if she finishes school, and she gets her degree, she will be more willing to come down here. That's one of her biggest concerns. She feels inadequate because she's so far behind, but it's not her fault. She's had a very rough life and I understand that, but she's not ok with it. She's mad at herself for the way she was brought up, but it's not her fault. She needs to leave the past and the past and move on. I know that's a lot easier said than done, but I think if she as able to do that, it will help her tremendously. I wish I could help her, but this is something she has to face on her own. It sucks that she has to work and pay for her own school, but that's just how life is for some people. If I could change that, I would.
Another problem she is that she has manic depression and has been going to therapy for a long time. She says I make her happy, but she doesn't want to rely on me to be happy. She wants to be happy on her own (which I agree she should do)
She also has a problem with her own jealousy of me, which is another big problem. Because of this, she is constantly getting mad at me for going out with my friends and hanging out with friends that are girls. She wishes she has my life, but she needs to be happy with the one she has and it's hard for her to do that.All I want is for her to be happy, and unfortunately the only way that's going to happen, is if she finds it herself.
I think she needs to go out and make her own friends and stop making friends on the internet. I mean, she can still do that, but she needs people she can actually hang out with so she can feel the way I do with my friends. After high school, she moved away from her friends, and since then she hasn't really made any new ones. She moved to California for a year because of a guy and that when down the drain for her. Since then she hasn't really been happy with anything.
I really wish I could solve this problem, but I guess I can't do that because it's her life and she needs to figure it out without me. All I can hope for is that one day we'll be back together. We'll see.
That's back story and such. Mainly I want to know what I should do.
Hi this is richie g, i am 23, my birthday is march 24, i live in valparaiso, indiana, here is my story well i met this girl avery on facebook, december 1st 2011, and met in person,december 11th 2011, and then became a couple on december 31st 2011, i asked her to be my girlfriend at my home with my family new years eve party, she live in portage, indiana . We both have learning and speech disabilitys, later on, on february 16th-17th, 2012, a car accident happen, but we were fine, ever since then, we havent seen each other, i work at meijers in merriville, indiana,, i am part time, april 1st or 4th would be a year working here, i dont like my job at all, i been thinking about resigning because i want a job that would make me happy and learn more things, for this a long while, i choose not to see her, i keep making excuses aka white lies of cant see her like working many days and so fourh, and also we made the decision to make it a open relationship. I am taking a break, me time, i will see her next week, she told me that if we break up, she wont date again, she wont talk to me again. I love, respect, care, like her, but not enough to be loyal, faithful to her, been having so so hard time to date other people, maybe one of you people can hook me up with someone please, so feel free to comment or advice on my story, pals
Hey I have been reading almost this entire blog here the past few days and though it has helped me realize I'm not alone I'm still so confused about my situation and am wondering if anyone would be so kind as to give me their insight.
My BF and I have been together for 10 months now and have known and had feelings for eachother for almost 3 years. We are both 25. Everything was perfect straight through until 3 weeks ago. It was sunday night and he spent the night at my parents house in Louisville where I live. He goes from there to work mondays when he's visiting because he lives in Lexington and Frankfort is between Lou and Lex so it's easier. We have a long distance relationship of about an hour. Out of the blue he woke up with a different attitude. He was mad about something I thought it was just because I slept in and for the first time didn't make his lunch that morning for work. We both went to work and he didn't text me. We usually text a few times throughout our workday. I thought something was wrong so I texted a few times throughout the day then finally all I got was "I just need some time right now" I escalated it because I was so shocked that he went from that to now saying he wasn't sure about us. I said he needed to call that I wouldn't do this thru text. That night he called and said we weren't right for each other and he didn't love me as much as I loved him. (this coming from a man who told me a week after we became official he was falling in love with me!) I told him he wasn't thinking clearly and to sleep on it. The next night he texted and said "I made a mistake yesterday I'm so sorry baby I miss you :(((" and that hed call to talk later. He never did and texted the next morning to say sorry and he def would that night. He texted me and tried to call 4 days in a row each day he was either passed out all evening after his strenuous job, or out house hunting in Frankfort. I said it was ok each time and never initiated contact on these days. Most of the time we have been a couple he hasn't been happy with his personal sitch. He hates where he lives and his roommate and never has any money because of a few unfortunate things that happened to him and his car is about to break down and he can't get it fixed or get a new one. Not to mention the pressure of a fast paced relationship and from his friends and family who have big problems currently going on back in his hometown.
I sensed his stress and unhappiness with his life so the next morning I sent him a text saying it's ok if he needs more time to sort things out before we are back to normal and I will understand and continue to be his caring and faithful GF because no matter what things would be worse if we didn't have eachother. All he said was "thank you that really means a lot to me :)" we texted back and forth once more and I haven't heard from him since except he replied to my text I sent 7 days ago where I asked if he made it back ok from visiting his hometown the previous weekend since it's a long drive. It's been 2 and a half weeks since I said he could have some time. He hasn't taken me off FB as his GF! He would never cheat I know for a fact that is not what this is about and trust and honesty have never been an issue. He never even had more than a minor miscommunication much less have never fought! Did he mean what he said that he made a mistake and doesn't want to leave he was just acting out of stress? Or does he think we are broken up? Or is he just trying to let me down gently and I am waiting for a call or text that won't come? I am so confused.
Please help me! I would really appreciate a kind gentleman's perspective on this. Thank you for reading. I will be happy to help anyone who asks if they want my feedback on their sitch as well.
Hi, I was just so curious about this and I just had to drop a comment. Things were not as simple as I thought it would be. I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years with this guy and he proposed a while back. He is so busy with work and study and we are constantly fighting. 4 weeks back he said he wanted a break from me because he wants to concentrate on his studies and also not only that, but he is residing in a friends house for some time. Because he also left his family. He wont talk to me or email me in any way or form for the next two years. But he will see me for prom. I'm so confused. I'm so obsessed about him and not only that, but I cant let go of him. I go on google searching him up and what not because I'm scared that he is probably cheating on me. But he says he wouldn't..but I dont know. Guys can be unpredictable sometimes and I truly want some answers as to what you guys think
Oh and not only that but he does not want to see or hear me until the two year break..i dont want to loose him. I lvoe him so much, but he totaly lost the trust and respect he had after an alcohol incident(not my fault, but friends). Ugh. I have taken of the engagement ring of for now. I'm really worried.
my situation is that my boyfriend is moving far away and he wants to take a break because we will never see each other he wants to pick things back up after i finish high school but i've never felt this way about a guy before and i know it sounds cliche for a teenager but i really do love him i don't want him to take a break and find someone new it's selfesh but i'm depressed not being with him
Hello Dave!
Being a female I want to give my advice and say that about 99.9% of women are not "commitment phobes" we are just not wired to be that way. There is nothing more in the world we want than to find a man as early in life as possible and have him stay with us and be faithful and love only her for the rest of her life so anything she does is not because of that reason!
I also want say this sounds like what I went through with my boyfriend before the one I have now. I went through this stage of intense uncertainty and I let him know it. He wanted to settle down and something inside (woman's intuition) was telling me there might be someone else out there that may be a better fit. It sounds like everything your girl was saying about how she feels about you is true but there may be just nothing more than a slight feeling of something being off. If you can try and pinpoint what it is and work on that right away without letting her know you are doing so it may help her swallow her doubt! This may be the reason especially since you say she is indecisive. Everyone goes through the same dilemma of "am I sure this is the one?" If its something about your personality you can change this will work, but with my ex for example it was that our religion was too different. Even though everything else was perfect the fact that he would want to raise my children under a different religion than mine would not fly! As long as it's not a big unchangeable reason like this you should be ok! It could be something as simple to change as she is feeling rushed and if so all you have to do is tell her its ok and to let you know when she is ready for the next step!
I hope that helps. If you read this would you please read my post above and give your insight I'd really value your male perspective!